ask Auntie Jane

 

 

 

 advice with empathy,

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  Sometimes talking to a stranger reveals insights in oneself that do not manifest even when confiding with a best friend. There is a natural reticence to exposing our vulnerabilities.  Pride and embarrassment often prevent us from telling intimacies about ourselves to our immediate  family and friends. 

And if we do disclose these, 'secrets', the response elicited from such revelations may not actually  be answers at all.  Or advice.  The reply may be tempered by a point of view or closeness or previous knowledge of your situation. 

Asking Auntie Jane for comment has none of these restraints or preconceived notions regarding your personal needs or wants.  Her answers are forthright and sincere based upon the directness of your query. Perhaps not always the suggestion you want to hear, but given with wisdom, understanding and insightful thought that you too can solve whatever dilemma is causing shadow in your life. 

Give her the pertinent information and be honest with yourself, there is an answer.   There is a solution. Keep the faith. She will respond to all.

Asking Auntie Jane with her life experience,  just may guide you to resolve your troubles.

 


 

Send your personal questions to -  askauntiejane@hotmail.com

 

 

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Dear Auntie Jane -
   My ulcers are starting to bother me already and Christmas is still  over two months away. I am the one wwho everyone in the family expects to do the Christmas dinner. I am tired of everyone coming and sitting down never asking if they can help or even bring a dish or a dessert with them. They believe a bottle of wine is enough. The family is at twenty plus three babies and I am exhausted before dinner is over. Any suggestion as I am ready to just go away over the holidays.

M.S

Dear M.S - 

   Tell them what you have told me and say it is time for others to take turns for the Christmas dinner. One person should not have to continue to have all the work. If they do not offer, book a trip and relax, and don't feel guilty. You certainly have done your share.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I am fuming. I had a dinner party on the week-end  for ten people. I enjoy planning a menu that all will enjoy. I select good wines to go along with each course I serve. One couple who are in our group both work at good jobs and  have  good incomes. They always bring the cheapest wine or their home made hooch. No one ever wants to drink what they bring. I usually pour it down the drain. My problem they always want to try every one else's  choice wines. My husband says just ignore this, I just can't and it spoils my evening. Should I tell them quietly to bring some descent bottles next time?

 Mavis

 

Dear  Mavis - 

   You could but probably it will not help. There are so many good wines available at reasonable prices. Some people are wine snobs, maybe you fit into that category with some of you're friends. But anyone that serves homemade wine or brings it to a dinner party would never have a second invitation from me. Then there are people that are just cheap and want to taste everything you  have in your liquor cabinet. If it was me I would drop them from my list of guests.  

Auntie Jane

 

 

 
 
Dear Auntie Jane -
   I am a fourteen year old girl. My boyfriend of three months wants me to have sex with him. He said if I love him I should show him that I do by giving him sex. I know if I asked my Mom she would say no.  My girlfriend is having sex with her boyfriend and all the girls talk about her and call her a slut. She is a nice girl and I told her her reputation will follow her when we go back to school. Should I take a chance and have sex asking my boyfriend not to tell any one?

M.C

Dear MC  - 

   All boys brag about having sex, your boyfriend included. You know already what your Mom would say and I totally agree with her. If he loves you like he says he does he would not ask for sex to prove your love. I am not saying you both are not capable of love at you're age but is it infatuation or the real thing? You both have many years ahead to find this out. Just be teenagers, do not complicate your life at such an early age by having sex.    

Auntie Jane


 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   You gave a friend of mine help with a family problem. I cannot ask for her advice so I thought you may help me. I am a widow in my middle sixties and miss the sex life that my husband and I had. I went on a dating site and all I got was old men with no sex drive. Finally I met a younger man in my complex and we have been having dinners together. We take turns cooking for each other and he has asked me to go on a holiday together. We will share a room and I was wondering if  you think I should accept as he is seventeen years younger than myself. I know sex would happen as he has made it clear that he enjoys our time together. He has hinted that he feels we should move to the next level of our relationship. I know I would like to. I do not know how my family or friends would react. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Mrs V

 

Dear - Mrs V.

    Just because you are in your sixties sex has no age limit. We are all in the need of love no matter what age. I would say go for it and not to worry what anyone says, this is your life and no one has a right to judge  you. Go with an open mind and enjoy every day as if its your last. You have many years ahead to enjoy a loving sex relationship. Use it or lose it!

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I love my Mom very much, but she embarrasses me in front of my friends. She always wants to stay and talk when my friends come over. I have asked her not to but she doesn't listen. She dresses in short shorts and low cut blouses. I asked her to cover up as she is too old to dress like this. My friends laugh about her.  She constantly flirts with my boyfriend, he doesn't want to come to my place. How can I get her to stop.

Stacy

Dear  Stacy - 

   Sit her down and have a honest talk with her. Tell her exactly how you and you're friends feel. Say you are going to stop having people over as they feel uncomfortable when she is there all the time. It is nice that she welcomes your friends into the home. But she needs to disappear after she has said hello Sounds like she needs to find some friends her own age to hang out with. Show her this e-mail.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 
Dear Auntie Jane -
   I am twelve years old, my Mom and Dad just got divorced. Now my Mom has told me I am not my Dad's real daughter.  Since the divorce she is on a mission to tell me awful things about  who I thought was my father. He has told me I will always be his little girl and he loves me very much. I have to lye when I go see him, as she has forbid me to see him. I asked her who my biological Dad is and where he lives, she said he lives somewhere in California with his own family, and is not interested in me or her.  I cannot stop crying and all my Mom says is to grow up. I feel so alone and don't know what to do. My Mom won't discuss any of this with me.

Jessica

Dear  Jessica - 

   Sounds to me you are the mature one in the family. Tell your Mom you intend to keep seeing you're Dad and keep the communications going with him. If you have any relatives that you feel close to like an aunt or grandparents ask them to intervene with your Mom. She sounds like she is going through a bitter stage and hopefully she will snap out of this quickly.  Maybe later on you will meet your biological Dad, just be happy you have someone like the Dad who watched you grow into a sensible young lady.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
  I thought I would be the last person to need advice. My husband and I entered into a sexual dalliance with another couple. Both of us have been married for over ten years. I guess we were all bored with our sex lives, and were looking to put some zing and stimulation into what had become routine. Now we women have found we are more attractive to each other than our spouses. Should will spill the beans to our others or just keep it a secret. No children on either side so it is not as if  we are breaking up families. Our husbands enjoy watching us together never thinking that we have fallen in love.

C@D

Dear   C@D - 

    Well I must say you two have certainly put some zing into the equation. You both have to ask yourselves if this love is for real or a diversion from a boring sex life with the husbands. I think both couples need some time apart, then see where the path takes you all. You girls may have had your inner feeling emerge and you are lesbians. If so take the course that makes you happy.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I need help!  My kids are driving me crazy, they constantly fight with each other. I am sure one of them will really hurt the other. I am a single mother so have no one to turn to for help. I have tried to ground both of them to no avail. Just makes them nastier to each other. I have taken away screen time but they hound me until I give in to them. Any suggestions Auntie Jane?

Karen

Dear Karen - 

   You answered the question yourself. You give into them. DON'T. 

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I am a widow age sixty,  a man age seventy has been asking me to marry him. He has three grown children , who don't want anything to do with me. I think they worry about me being after his money, I have plenty of my own. He has told me not to tell them about myself having a larger bank account than him. I had them all over for dinner, but none have had me to their homes. Should I abide by his wishes?  We enjoy travelling together and they always ask who is paying. Is this any of their business? 

Lady friend

Dear  LF - 

   NO, it is none of their concern who pays for what. If they do not want their Dad to enjoy his life with you , they must  think more about his money than him, let them steam about it.  Their loss not yours. Enjoy your time together married or not.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   Another year has arrived, and my husband has been away for over two years fighting for all our freedom. He will be home in less than a month. I met a man and fell in love with him over a year ago and don't know what to do when my husband comes home? Should I be honest and tell him?  We married a week before he was deployed. I have been with my lover for longer than with my husband. I just do not know what to do.

Marta

Dear  Marta - 

   Well you have a month to decide, if you want to give you're marriage a go. You must have been in love to get married in the first place. I would sit down with your husband and see if the two of you still have something to work on if not then cut the strings, so he can move on with his life. He has already given up two years.  

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
  I have five teenaged grandkids. When I ask what they would like for Christmas they say money. I feel that is such a cold gift. Am I wrong with my thinking? I love to go into stores and shop for them all and enjoy deciding what would be good for each one.   

Grandmother B

Dear G.B  - 

   Why not buy a small gift for each one and then put cash into their cards. Then everyone is happy. 

Auntie Jane

 

 


 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   Another Christmas and going into debt. My husband and I are so tired of having to buy gifts for all our families, most do not appreciate them. All the nieces and nephews have every toy that one can imagine. They are spoiled and it is so hard to find something suitable within our price range. I counted up the kids and we have twenty kids and then the parents on top of that. Any help would be appreciated.

D@M

Dear  D@M  - 

  When a family is that big, why not  buy one gift for each family. Tell them all that is what you are doing and ask them to do the same. Let them each buy their spoiled kids there own gifts. Then pick a family less fortunate in your community and add them to your list.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
II am fourteen and in love with a guy in my class. He has never spoken to me yet, as he just came from another school. He has smiled at me a couple of times. Should I start talking to him and see if he is interested in me? I am very shy.

Cathy

Dear Cathy - 

  Love is a very strong word, maybe interested is a better phrase to use. I am not saying it will not turn into love at a later date. If he is new to the school then you should start a conversation with him, asking him if he likes the new school, where he is from and does he need any help getting to know the kids? Then let him know that you are there to help. If he is interested he will let you know. Most boys at that age are shy too, 

Auntie Jane

 

 


 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I live in a small complex. My neighbor has two children and I can hear their voices through the walls. She is a single Mom with a steady boyfriend that visits often. I hear both children sobbing at night. She hits them  hard as I can hear the slapping  and yelling. I knocked on her door and asked what was going on and was told it was none of my business . The young boy arrived at my door with bruises on his face and arms. I phoned the police, they arrived and took the kids  away. Now the boyfriend  has started to harass me daily. Telling me if I go to court as a witness I will be sorry.  What should I do? 

Elsie

Dear Elsie - 

   Contact the police right away. Let the police know what has been said to you. Those kids need protection and you seem to be the one they chose  to help. The mother needs to understand that she will lose her kids if she continues with her ways. Don't let the boyfriend intimate you , you have the police on your side.  You may save those kids lives.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 
Dear Auntie Jane -
   My mother died last week and I cannot get over feeling guilty. I am saying I was not a very good daughter and caused her many stressful nights. She always stood behind me showing her love, even when I was picked up for prostitution. How can I get over this feeling of shame.

Latisha

Dear  Latisha - 

   Most  mothers love their children unconditionally, and that is how it should be. Guilt will get you nowhere in life. One day at a time build the life that you will feel proud of, she will still be watching over you. A mothers love is the best love that exists.  

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
  My parents just told my sister and I that they were getting a divorce. They usually had a fight every week-end about something and the day was spoiled.  My younger sister is heart broken and wants them to stay together. I said it would be better if they separated as they are not happy. How can I get my sister to understand this?

Julie   

 

Dear Julie  - 

   Time will tell. When she sees her parents happy then she will begin to understand that they are better off apart. Some people stay together for the kids and suffer and are not happy. Not a good idea. Give your sister support and lots of time with you until she  realizes its for the best. Let both parents know that they are loved and you understand.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I just found out that I am pregnant. My boyfriend said we could get married, we are both seventeen  and still in school. Should I keep it my parents want me to have an abortion. Would you keep the baby if this was you?

Penny

Dear  Penny - 

  Well Penny it is not me, its you and it has to be your decision. You are both very young to start out married with a baby on the way. Plus you are still in school. How would you support a baby on minimum wages as that is all you both would make with out an education.  Another option would be to have the baby and put it up for adoption to a family who cannot have children. The downside you would probably wonder the rest of your life where your baby is.  Eighty percent of  marriages now  fail , can you see being a single Mom raising a child on your own. Finish school practice safe sex and get on with your life.  I would have to side with your parents. But as I said it has to be your choice. Good luck.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 
 
Dear Auntie Jane -
   My husband and I have been arguing about whether I should go on a trip with my girlfriend for a week. She won a trip for two and wants to take me. My husband says that all we will do is get into trouble and does not want me to go. He said he will go along with what you say.   

Lee

Dear Lee  - 

   Tell your husband I say to go. You can get into trouble at home if you are so incline.  Enjoy.  

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I am in need of some advice. My girlfriend told me she is having an affair with my husband and she wants me to move and leave my husband, so they can be together. She said he does not want to hurt me but he loves her.  Should I walk away and let them be together?  I have lost all respect for my husband and my feelings are raw at this time.

Betty

Dear  Betty - 

   Why would you move? If they want to be together let them find a place to live. If he wants this women, let him pack his bags and leave. Sounds like you need a new friend and husband. I would stay where you are.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
 I am thirteen years old, and starting a new school in a few weeks. Through the summer I have met a girl down the street from me that will be going to the same school. Her parents allow her to wear makeup, my Mom says that I am too young and will not let me wear any eye makeup.  How can I get her to change her mind?

Steffi 

 

Dear Steffi  - 

   Have you tried putting on a small amount of eye shadow, with a light eyeliner and a light lipstick to show if it applied properly it looks fine. Most girls at your age put far too much on and it makes them  look far to old. Maybe if Mom  sees that you do not overdue the process she will relent. At thirteen applied lightly I think you should be allowed. Just don't be a follower, be a leader.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I am  a sixteen year old male. I have never had a girlfriend. I am not really interested in them. I would rather hang with guys.  My Dad asked me the other day if I was gay, and it really hurt my feelings. So I just walked away from him. Now I am wondering if he thinks that I am. Should I have answer him?

Max

Dear  Max - 

   Maybe your Dad was trying to open a conversation with you as a teenager. Really doesn't matter one way or another. If he asked he must have been ready for your answer one way or the other. Some guys take longer to mix with girls, doesn't mean that they are gay. Others know from an early age that they are. Either way just do what you enjoy, teenage years go by quickly. 

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   My grandma left me all her possessions and money in her will. She had three other grandkids and they did not get anything.  I spent many hours with her when she was very sick and ran errands and took her to doctor appointment. We both loved each other very much. She told me what her will said the day she passed away and wanted me to go to University with the money . Now my relatives want me to share with them.  Do you think I should give them something?

Bethany

Dear  Bethany - 

   I think your Grandma wanted you to have her things and her money, so you could get an education and remember her and the good times you both had together.  If she wanted it any other way she would have said so in her will. You have no obligation to share any of her things with anyone.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   My boyfriend was picked up and charged with the murder of a drug dealer along with two others. He wants me to stand by him and testify in court that I was with him the night this happened.  No one saw him at the scene. I am scared if I don't I will lose him. 

BTW

Dear BTW  - 

   Losing him could be the best thing that could happen to you.  If I was you I would run not walk away from this person. All he will cause you is trouble and if you lie in court, you  could join him in  jail.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I am twelve and just got caught shoplifting. My parents looked so sad when I had to come home and tell them. I feel so bad and don't know how to deal with this. It was the first time that I had ever done this.  The lady that caught me never called the police, she told me that I should  go home and tell my parents and let them decide what should be my punishment. I feel so ashamed.   

L.D

Dear L.D  - 

   You were very fortunate that the lady was so nice to you. I don't know what your punishment from your parents will be. It might make you feel better if you go and apologize to the lady and offer to help her in the store for a few weeks for being so kind.  

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I have been looking after a neighbor for six months, She has cancer and the doctors have given her less than two months to live. None of her family even visit let alone help her out. I  cook her meals and try and make her life a bit easier. She has a lady that comes and cleans once a week. Every time she comes she talks my neighbor into giving her some of her personal belongings. I have told her I am going to report her if she doesn't stop asking for things. All she says is she has been given these things, and tells me to mind my own business. What should I do ?

Millie

Dear  Millie - 

   Phone her employer, ask for her to be replace and tell them why. Nobody has the right to exploit a person sick or healthy. Phone her family and explain what is happening. I would put money on it that they will show up if they think someone is getting their booty. You are a kind soul.   

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
  I suggest all teenagers read this article before going  to graduation or out with friends.

Maggie

 

Dear Maggie  - 

 http://www.steppingstonecenter.org/how-alcohol-affects-the-adolescent-brain/ 

   Thank you

Auntie Jane

  

 


 
 
 
 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I am graduating this year and I want my parents to buy me some liquor for my friends and me. They said no and would not even discuss this. I told them we would get another parent to get it for us. My dad said if he found out that a parent did this he would report him to the police. I think he is being very unfair.

James 

J

Dear James  - 

   I think he is a very smart parent and hope he follows through with his threat. Fun can be had without drinking.  

Auntie Jane

 
 
 

   Thanks y


 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
  I just found out the I have about six months to live. I don't look sick and want to keep this to myself. My husband wants to tell our children. I said no, he has said he will abide by my decision, am I being selfish I  just to want to be normal with my kids and friends? Or am I putting too much pressure on him to carry this alone. I will tell my kids closer and when my health starts to decline. Is this asking too much?

MJ   

 

Dear MJ  - 

    Is there anyone that your husband is very close to? If he had one person to confide in outside the family this may help him deal with  this horrendous burden. You are not being selfish to want to spend quality time with family, as everything will change once the illness is known to them. You are one brave lady, as is your husband. God bless.  

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   Is Ben crazy? He does not deserve this girl, he must be gay!  If you would hook me up with his girlfriend I would be forever grateful. 

Greg

Greg

Dear Greg  - 

   Sorry Greg cannot do.   

Auntie Jane

 
 

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   My girlfriend always wants sex. She is starting to get on my nerves. Should I tell her to get another hobby?  If she doesn't get it everyday she tells me I don't love her.   

Ben 

Ben

Dear Ben  - 

   Go back to your stamp collecting. Maybe she needs another boyfriend who can keep up with her sexual prowess.  

Auntie Jane

 

 
 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I have five grandchildren and everyone is very spoiled. They just have to ask for things and  my daughter-in-laws always give in and get it for them. What can I do to stop this madness?  

Grannie

Dear Grannie  - 

   Very easy, mind you're own business.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I love my wife. The only problem with our marriage is she never enjoys sex like I do. We are in our forties and if I get it once a month I consider myself lucky. I have thought about looking outside my marriage to be sexually satisfied, I just wouldn't want to hurt her if she found out. Any help would be much appreciated.   

Greg

Dear Greg - 

   At your age the two of you should be having sex much more often. Has she been to a doctor  to see if everything is working properly with her body. That would be my first suggestion. You sound like you love her very much, so having an affair might not work for you. Have you tried to sexually turn her on with arousing her with a vibrator, or taking her somewhere different than your bedroom.  Some women take longer to be aroused and stimulated,  patience and keep trying different ways, reading and watching sex movies together may help.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I am forty years old, divorced and love sex. My married girlfriends want to know every detail of my dates. Even who I decide to bed. I believe that their own sex life is so dull that they try and relive my sexual encounters for themselves. I can't go for a coffee without them begging for a blow by blow description of my sex life. Should I just tell them nothing?

Melanie

Dear Melanie  - 

   How sad for these women, maybe if they took more time on their own sex lives it would improve for them all. Just tell them you don't kiss and tell. Unless  you enjoy making them envious of your sexual tryst.   

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   Summer is coming soon. We have a summer home and our large families on both sides begin to book their two weeks with us. This is becoming a nightmare for my husband and kids. The last few years it has been a constant flow for two months. I never get any down time to enjoy myself as I am cooking doing laundry ect. every day. How can we enjoy this year without having company ?  

Anita

Dear Anita  - 

   Guess you have never heard of the word" NO."   E-mail all the relatives and just say fully booked this year.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   My mother is coming  to visit us. It only takes her a few days to have our household turned upside down and has us all fighting between ourselves . This has been going on for years, now even the kids have made plans to be away while she is here. My husband tolerates her to a point then just works late so he doesn't have to listen to her. That leaves me alone to deal with her. I feel guilty as she is getting on in age and she may only have a few more visits, she always makes sure she  tells us this every visit. I truly believe she will outlive me, as she has me  stressed out before she even arrives.

Midge

Dear  Midge - 

   Before she arrives phone her and explain the rules. Be honest and tell her why the kids will be away and she has to stop causing trouble in the family. If she can do this she is welcome, if not tell her not to come. Be firm and don't back down. Sounds like the whole family has let this lady run your household  far to long. She may miss this year, but be sure she will want to come next year. Just make sure to tell her the rules again.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 
Dear Auntie Jane -
   My husband of  twenty years is having an affair. She is much younger than him, he said he is not in love with her and loves me. Saying it was strictly a sexual thing , and he would give her up if I forgave him, and didn't ask him to move out of our home. Our kids are in college so don't live at home.  I  don't even want him around I'm so hurt.  Should I give him another chance to make this right?

 Always been faithful

Dear ABF  - 

   Questions, will he keep her if you ask him to leave?  Can you forgive him? Is this his first affair? The hurt will fade in time, is he worth fighting for or would you be happier without him. Get away and give yourself time to come to the right decision for you.  Then get on with life.

Auntie Jane

 

 


 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I am in my mid sixties, widowed for a year . I live in a retirement home, so have many friends. Most of them are women, but a few men. One of these men seems to be interested in me and has asked me out for dinner. He is younger than me by a few years, seems like a nice man. Do you think I should go? I am thinking if it doesn't work out we would still see each other as we live two doors away.

Granny but still young at heart

Dear  GBSYAH - 

   Age has no boundaries, go and enjoy the evening. If it does work out, then you don't have far to go to  visit  each other. Live each day as there is no tomorrow.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   My son has gotten in trouble with the police. He wants me to lie about where he was when three boys beat up another kid. He was one of them. Should I do this to help him out in this situation? He is a good boy.

A loving Mom

Dear  ALM- 

   A good boy doesn't get involved with two others to beat up one kid. If it had been one on one that would have been a fair fight. Boys will be boys. But if you lie for him that is not teaching him anything. Let him take the consequence that is the only way for him to learn the lessons in life. 

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   We have friends that always want us to vacation with them. It was fine when neither one had children. Now  that we have kids the same ages, the problem is that they spoil theirs rotten and we discipline ours when needed. The holidays end up with our kids  nervous and wondering why they can't do what the others get away with. So we get frustrated and don't enjoy what should be a restful time . How can we get out of this years holidays without losing their friendship.  We have all been friends since college.

Barry and Candice

 

Dear B C - 

   If they are old friends, they should understand where you guys are coming from. Be honest and explain this is hard on your kids and you both. A holiday is to bond as a family and be  stress free. Say that you have made other plans this year. Maybe by the following year they will have learned how to discipline theirs, so their not brats. The parents are the problem.  

Auntie Jane

 

 
 
 
Dear Auntie Jane -
   We are a gay couple who have been together for four years. My partner wants us to get married and have a child. My parents said they will have nothing to do with this child and don't want us to get married either. We have tried everything to bring them around to our thinking. Any ideas? 

Two people in love

Dear TPIL - 

   STOP, trying to please you're parents. Two people who have been together for four years know what makes them happy. Bringing a baby into a loving couples life would be a blessing to all that love you. Hopefully when you get married, they will see how happy the two of you are. If not they will be the losers and miss out on a grandchild.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
  I am physically attracted to a man I met while walking near my home. I am happily married to a wonderful man. I find I have started walking daily in order to meet up with him as he walks everyday . His wife works, he is semi retired and works from home. He asked me the other day to join him at his home for coffee. I feel it would end up with more than just coffee. Should I go the next time he asks?  

It would only be for sex and good conversation

Dear IWOBFSAGC - 

   What else is left , you seemed to have covered everything except complications from cheating on that wonderful husband that you say you have. Change your walking habits before you do something you may regret. You can get sex and conversation at home can you not? But then again that is your choice to make.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 
Dear Auntie Jane -
   Am I being foolish. I have a neighbor who I really like as a person and we have coffee together once or twice a week. When she comes to my place before she leaves she asks if she can borrow an egg or a cup of flour. Its always something that she is going to bake or cook. The problem is she never replaces what she borrows. How can I stop her, as groceries are expensive. This goes on all the time and it is starting to really bother me..

Mattie

Dear  Mattie - 

    Next time she asks to borrow something tell her you just have enough for your baking or cooking today, keep saying this every time she asks. Eventually she will get the hint and stop asking. Don't give in. She is what people call a mooch.

Auntie Jane

 

 
 
 
Dear Auntie Jane -
  I found out my husband has been cheating on me. When I confronted him he denied it. I hired a private investigator and he followed him when he went out of town on business. The pictures he brought back proved that he was with a women half his age in many different places mostly in compromising positions. When I showed these pictures to my husband he started to yell and  scream  and told me if I used these for a divorce I would find myself buried alive in concrete. He is a well know man in our  town and wealthy , and knows all the police here. I now am afraid for my life and don't know where to turn.

Scared Wife

 

Dear Scared Wife- 

   I am neither a lawyer or the police. But this is what I would do.

As soon as he leaves for work get your things and leave. First stop at  the bank, then drive to the next town or city that he is not known in. Go to the police and get a restraining order against him. Then get a lawyer and file for divorce and let the lawyer deal with him. Take the photos for leverage for the lawyer and police. Don't let him know where you are staying. Never meet him alone. Good luck.

Auntie Jane

 
 
I
 
 

 

 
Dear Auntie Jane -
   My boyfriend is religious, I'm not. He is getting serious and I don't think I'm into going to church every Sunday and having the minister over for Sunday brunch like his parents do twice a month. What can you suggest? He is good in bed and I really like him.

Lorain 

    

Dear  Lorain - 

   Keep him as your boyfriend and invite him for Sunday brunch.  

Auntie Jane

 
 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   We have been married for five years and I want to start a family, my husband  wants to wait as he wants to have a few more years on our own. He comes from a big family and there are lots of kids from his siblings. He says we see enough babies around at family gatherings, I am going to be thirty next month and  he is forty. I want at least two or three children. I guess my biological clock is ticking, Am I being unfair to him?

want my own

Dear  WMO - 

   Maybe he is being unfair to you? Does he really want kids of his own or happy without them. How long does he want to wait?  At his age now he will be at retirement age by the time the kids go off to college. I would make sure you both are on the same page at wanting a family of your own.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

 
Dear Auntie Jane -
   My daughter is twenty-seven, not married and doesn't have a boyfriend. She has a close girlfriend and they spend all week-ends together and holiday with each other. Would she be a lesbian?   

Concerned Mother

Dear CM - 

   Since I am not a mind reader , I don't know. Why not ask her and if she wants you to know and feels comfortable in telling you her sexual preference she will.  Otherwise what difference will it make in your relationship with her? It's called unconditional love.

Auntie Jane

 

 


 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I was not one of the females that wrote you about Valentines, but the man I love didn't remember to send me even a card. I know what to expect from a married man but thought a phone call or flowers would have made my day. Now he wonders why I have broken up with him. I told him my feelings and he laughed, and said how silly I was. Didn't  I enjoy the sex we had, and he didn't think I needed a reminder as it was good. I have read your replies to many letters and had a good comeback and was proud of myself for my response. I told him "NO" it wasn't that good and and I have had better. I hung up before he had a chance to do so. Thank you AJ. for all the good advice you have given out.

Never date a married man

 

Dear  NDAMN- 

   Good for you dear girl. There is someone out there for you. Never settle for second best.  

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I cannot believe  the letters  I received from  all you girls and women out there. In regards to Valentines day. So I have chosen to answer you all as this advice fits everyone whatever age you may be, if you are a girlfriend, lover, fiancée or wife.
 

Dear  ALL - 

   If the men in you're life cannot do something on this special day for you, then there is something very wrong with them,  Flowers, card,  chocolates or taking you out for a nice dinner or making you one at home. Doesn't take much to please the lady in your life. If he is the boyfriend dump him while you can, lover the same. Fiancée? Have a second look before planning the wedding. Wife, I have never advocated holding back sex as punishment but this is a very good reason to do so. Tell him you have no time while you're doing the dishes. Or let him cook his own meals for a couple of months and do his own laundry. I'm sure by next year he will run to the flower shop, make reservations or cook for his sweetheart.

After being with the same man for years, my husband never forgets.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I have been seeing my boyfriend for two years and in that two years I have caught him twice cheating on me. He said once we are married he will be faithful to me. My girl friend told me he tried to get her to go to bed with her also. I love him and don't know if I should believe him or not. What should I do?  

Cathy

Dear  Cathy - 

   Three times that you know about, how many other times has he been unfaithful to you that you don't know about? It's time to move on girl, what happens once married and you have a couple of kids and you find out he is still playing around. You deserve better than what this man has to offer.  

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   My husband's family has never accepted me into the family. We have been married for three years and they keep asking my husband when we are going to start a family. They are putting pressure on him every time they see him. I have stopped going to family dinners as I feel unwelcome, so they don't have a chance to ask me. I would tell them its none of their business if and when we decide to start a family. Besides I will not involve them when I do have children as they are down right rude to me. Any advice?

Anita

Dear  Anita - 

   Your husband should suggest to his family that if they cannot be polite to you, they will certainly miss out on the grandchildren when you both decide to have them. They have no right to put pressure on him as this is between the two of you. Children should benefit from grandparents of both sides and the less friction the better. Have you really tried to get involved with his family?

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   My sister is getting married in the spring. She has asked me to be her matron of honor, and the dress she wants me to wear and pay for is not flattering to my full figure. I have told her this and all she said was then lose weight. I am 5' 5' and 150 lbs but do have big boobs. I went to my dress maker and she would design a dress that fits much nicer and would blend  well with the others in the wedding party. Am I being unreasonable as I am a stay at home Mom and would like to wear the dress after the wedding?

Sis

Dear  SIS - 

   Doesn't sound to me that you are overweight. Have you shown the design to your sister? Usually the matron of honors dress is different in style and colors to compliment the other girls. Sounds like your sister is getting stressed out about nothing. Brides tend to do this. Be honest with her and tell her what you have told me.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I am in a relationship with this guy that doesn't know anything about satisfying me sexually. I give him oral sex, but he has never given me any in return. How can I get him interested in going down on me? My last boyfriend was so good at this and I miss this part of  sex. Help!   

Love and enjoy the whole act

Dear  LAETWA - 

   Next time you plan to have sex with him, run a bath and invite him to join you in the tub. Slowly start talking about how oral sex gets you sexually aroused and he will be the one to reap the benefits when you get so turned on. If he doesn't enjoy giving you this sexual enjoyment then maybe see if your old boyfriend is still around. Most guys love to keep their girlfriends happy and content.  Mean while your boyfriend will be nice and clean.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 
 
Dear Auntie Jane -
   I don't know if this subject is taboo here? My partner has been talking about having sex with other couples. I find talking about this subject makes me very excited and wonder if we did it, would it ruin our good marriage that we have together?

L@M

Dear L@M - 

    You say you have a good marriage, will it be good after you both see each with other partners? Only the two of you can decide this. Thoughts or talking about it is still in the 'fantasy' area, no harm in fantasy but  if you do go ahead then make sure you have protected sex and no pictures. They could come back to haunt both parties later. To each his own. If I were you I would think long and hard before making a decision like this one.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

 
 
Dear Auntie Jane -
   Why does Christmas bring out the best and worst in people? Some of our relatives and friends really enjoy the holidays and others  want to be miserable and be mean and try to spoil the time together. You probably can't answer this but I feel better just getting it off my chest.  Merry Christmas.

One who loves the holidays

Dear OWLTH - 

     Some people you can never please, stick with the ones who enjoy the holidays and delete the spoilers. You obviously emanate and enjoy the holidays so never let anyone change that in you. Ho Ho Ho ! 

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

 
 
Dear Auntie Jane -
   I have had a boyfriend for two years he is forty myself thirty-five, I caught him in a lie , him not knowing that I  knew he made up a totally different story on what he was doing that day. I feel that I can never trust him anymore. Should I confront him or not?

Katie

Dear  Katie - 

   Once the trust is broken in a relationship it is very hard to get that trust back. You have to decide if he lied once (that you know about) will he continue to do so. You never said what the lie was about. Cheating is a no brainer dump him and move on. I would be up front with him if you know for sure he lied to you and tell him  why he is being dumped.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   My boyfriend told me that he wanted to date other girls. We have been going steady for six months. He wants to have sex and I said no. I don't want him to see other girls should I sleep with him?

Shannon

Dear Shannon  - 

   NO!  Don't sleep with him let him go as he will hold you to ransom every time he wants his own way. He seems very immature and spoiled. Start dating other guys and if he is for you he will find his way back if not then he isn't the one for you. Males are like buss's there will always be another coming.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I am gay and been in a relationship with a women for three years, We came out to our families last month. My family has excepted this without making any big deal and welcomed her into our family. Her parents not so much. They want her to join her family at Christmas but not me. They say they will disinherited her and will never accept me.  My family want us to join them for the holidays and I want us to go.  But don't want to break up a family but feel they are not being fair to her. There is a considerably  inheritance involved . Should I tell her to go to her family and I will go to mine? We are planning on being married next year,

Hurting

 

Dear Hurting  - 

   You both should solve this before you plan on getting married. Doesn't sound like  their feelings will change marriage or not.  I would plan on going to your family this year and her parents might change by next Christmas, just don't count on it or their money. Some love to have a hold by promising money. They might see that their daughter is happy and hopefully they will be happy for her. Otherwise they will be the loser for being so foolish. The best to you both. Love always comes before money.     

Auntie Jane

 

 


 

 
 
Dear Auntie Jane -
   I am a divorced women, having an affair with a married man. With Christmas coming I want him to spend some time with me. I gave him the choice to pick either Christmas Eve or Boxing Day with me. He has small children so I don't expect to see him Christmas Day. He just told me that it was impossible to see me over the holidays. I think this is unfair and he should make arrangements to spend time with me. Do you agree?

Want to see my lover

Dear  WTSML- 

   Sounds like this is a one sided affair, only when it suits him. As a lover you are at the bottom of his priority list. Especially when it's has to do with him and family. You don't have a choice in this. His family should come first naturally and if this fits into your lifestyle then learn to be lonely on holidays. Why not look for a man who can fill all your needs?

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

 
 
Dear Auntie Jane -
   I am cooking my first Christmas dinner this year ,and very nervous. My parents and in-laws as well as siblings are invited. We will have a total of sixteen people. I have never cooked for this many at one time. My mother is a great cook and has offered to help me. My husband thinks if I ask my Mom then I should include his Mom in the preparation as well. She would just make me more nervous being there. Have you got any solutions?

Young bride

 

Dear  Y B - 

   Organization is the first rule in entertaining. Second is delegating. Invite your Mother-in-law  to look after the dessert and let her choose what to make at her place. Get your husband to help set up the table the night before. Ask your Mom to come over in the morning to help with the  turkey and stuffing and get the veggies  and potatoes ready with your husband. Once the turkey is in the oven it cooks itself except for basting. Make sure you have a sharp knife for carving, then the gravy is all that is left to do. Cooking for two or sixteen isn't much different only the quantities. If you relax so will your guests.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 
 
Dear Auntie Jane -
   Could you tell me what to do. I have a dog who I take with me everywhere I go, even to work as she is quiet, clean and well trained. I have been invited over to my boyfriend's parents house for Christmas dinner and told I can't bring my dog. Should I just arrive with the dog anyways?

Dog lover

 

Dear DL - 

   You have been told not to bring the dog, how much clearer do you need to be told? Why would you want to spoil the day for your boyfriend and family because of your rudeness. You have an alternative, stay home and have dinner with the dog. Add gravy to the kibbles and bits.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 
 
Dear Auntie Jane -
   Christmas will be here before we know it. My problem is I spend hours picking out gifts for my family members. I enjoy looking for something unique and within my budget. My sister-in-law doesn't enjoy shopping and  leaves her shopping till all the nice things are already chosen. Then to top it off she re-uses last years wrapping paper without even a bow attached. I told my husband he should talk to his sister and set her straight about buying something nice and useful for us. Am I out of line to suggest this?  She ruins every Christmas for me.

Thoughtful person

 

Dear  TP - 

   It seems to be your problem not your husband's, why not suggest to her to give you and yours a gift card this year as you understand she doesn't get off buying gifts? Or better still suggest maybe its time to stop buying for each other and just enjoy being together over a glass of wine. You should not let her ruin the holidays for you, only you can do this by letting this bother you. Is a bow that important? Christmas should be about enjoying family and friends, not about gifts.  About used paper, have you never heard of re-cycling?

Auntie Jane

 

 

 
 
Dear Auntie Jane -
   I come from a large family and we rotate who cooks Christmas dinner. It is our turn this year and I have suggested that everyone bring a dish along with a bottle of wine. My husband is mad and not talking to me because I did this on my own without consulting him. He said it looks like he is cheap and wants me to tell everyone not to bring anything. We can afford to do this on our own but I then have no help from him, he just sits and doesn't even help mixing drinks. So I am left tired and don't enjoy the day. How can I get him to understand that the family is getting too large for one person to do it all.  

exhausted

Dear  Exhausted - 

   Show him this,  tell him from me to get off his fat ass and help. It is a great idea for everyone to pitch in  and then everyone gets their favorite dish.  HO HO HO  

Auntie Jane

 

 

 
 
Dear Auntie Jane -
   I need your help with my problem. I am married to a great guy and his father and I are having an affair. This has been going on for over a year now and we have fallen in love. He wants to leave his wife and wants me to leave his son. My mother-in-law is a bitch so I don't care about her, but hate to hurt my husband. How can I keep them both happy without upsetting the apple cart?       

Caring wife and lover

Dear CWAL - 

   Upsetting the apple cart? "Wow "you certainly have upset this family if you choose to leave your husband. The father-in-law sounds as immature as you do and he should know better. Nothing will help to keep them both happy. You say that your husband is a great guy, why not treat him like one. Stop and think very careful about your life and stop this affair before you ruin a whole family.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

 
Dear Auntie Jane -
   My sister and I had a great relationship until I started to see this guy. She doesn't like him and is very rude to him when he comes over. I have tried to ask her why and she will not discuss it with me. How can I make her like him?     

Sister

Dear  Sister- 

   You cannot make someone like another person, so stop trying. Have you been neglecting you're sister since hooking up with this fellow. Maybe she feels she has lost you as her sister and friend. Make sure that you don't spend all the time with him and start making plans for just the two of you to do things together like you did before he came on the scene. Many girls forget about other friends after getting a boyfriend. Boys come and go but you will always have a sister so keep the communication on going with her.  No excuse for rudeness though.

Auntie Jane

 

 


 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
  Thanks for the great advice about getting my husband to go out with me. It only took me showing him your answer and he made plans that week-end. It certainly got  some action in and out of the bedroom. Thanks again A.J.

Not bored stiff anymore

Dear NBSA- 

   So glad to hear from you, just don't let him backslide. lol 

Auntie Jane

 

 


 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I am a bored housewife and thinking of having an affair with my next door neighbor. He is younger and flirts with me every time we see each other. I love my husband and children but would like some excitement in my life. Am I wrong in my thinking?   

Bored and wanting

Dear BAW - 

   Have you thought of any other ways of doing something with your life? A job, volunteering or getting a hobby that won't jeopardize your marriage?  If you decide on having an affair you might get more than you bargained for and end up single raising your children on your own. Not a good idea for boredom.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 
 
Dear Auntie Jane -
   How can I get my husband  to take me out to dinner and a movie once in awhile? He works hard but on the week-end he just wants to sit and watch sports. He says he is tired and I should be happy he brings his pay check home to me. We are in our early forties and I feel after looking after the kids all week I am entitled to a bit of entertainment on the week-end. Any help would be appreciated.

Bored stiff

Dear Bored Stiff - 

   Start making plans with girlfriends to go out, then let him stay home and babysit. A bored housewife can get into all kinds of trouble out on her own. Let him read this and I bet he will get off the couch pretty quick.  

Auntie Jane

 

 


 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I am having a hard time with my weight and my husband doesn't seem to want to have sex with me. He is a runner so has no trouble staying slim. I have had three children in five years and never seem to get back in shape after each one. I feel depressed all the time and do try to watch what I eat ,then bake cookies and eat the whole batch before my hubby comes home. How can I get my husband to want me sexually?    

Unhappy and fat

Dear UAF - 

   Go to your Doctor and get his help. Sometimes it is good to go to Weight Watcher or another weight loss clinic as you meet others with the same problem. And they weigh you weekly. Be honest with your husband and ask him for his support as you want to get sex back into your marriage.

Auntie Jane

 

 
 
 
 
 
 

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Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't.

-  Erica Jong 

 

 

 

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