more letters and email   -  1


continued selected emails

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   My granddaughter is very close to me. She tells me what goes on in her family when she visits without her parents. I always listen, but try not to give my advice as I feel it is her private thoughts and we should have those  special times without me telling her parents of these discussions. She has told me she thinks her Dad is having an affair with a neighbor that  baby-sits my younger brother occasionally, when my daughter is traveling in her job. My daughter is an executive with her company and does make twice the money my son-in-law  does. Should I talk to her father, or just tell my granddaughter she  should talk to her Dad about her feelings?  

What to do?

 
Dear  WTD -
   You did not mention how old your granddaughter was, but she sounds like a well informed girl. She should confront her Dad with this and let him take the heat on this one. It is not really important who make the most money in the family, but what goes on when your daughter is away. If I was you I would not get involved let your granddaughter and her Dad solve this problem. Keep those communication lines open with your granddaughter. Sounds like she might need your ear in the future. in the future.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I am in a real dilemma and just don't know what to do. My husband has been diagnosed with incurable cancer and  has been given three months to live. He has asked me not to tell the family and wants me to abide by his wishes. His children have never made him a priority in their lives. I know I will get the blame from them all after he has gone. I am torn between keeping quite or telling them.
Loving Wife
 
Dear  Loving Wife. -
  This is a hard decision for you to make and especially under these circumstances. Leave him to digest this news for a few weeks. Then sit down and have another talk about what it will do to the family and you in the future. Closer to his demise he will  probably relent and see his family. If not I believe you have to grant a dying man his last wishes. 

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

  I have been reading your column, and thought I had a dysfunctional family. Mine doesn't seem as bad as others. Is it the world that we are living in that many just don't put family as a priority any more? Growing up I always had time to spend with my family, having so many fond memories of those days. Are we all so caught up working to survive, forgetting our siblings and relatives and friends that we had so much fun growing up with. Is this called progress?

Sad in |Calgary
 
Dear SAC  -
   Very good points that you brought up sad but so true. Styles of life certainly have changed in the last decade. When both parents have to work to keep their heads above board, as well as wanting so much more in material possessions something has to give. I just hope that this generation of children are not the ones to suffer as their parents believe that they have to keep up with the latest gadgets to keep their children happy, hopefully all won't lose track of family values.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

     I am being married in the fall, we are having a large affair. One of my girlfriends is over weight and I feel she will spoil my pictures. Everyone  else in the wedding party will look fabulous. How can I tell her I don't want her in my wedding party? My Mom says it would be cruel of me, as we have grown up together.

Bride to be
 
Dear BTB -

  Three cheers for Mom, glad to hear someone is thinking about feelings and not just looking  fabulous. Obviously looks mean more to you than friendship. What happens if your husband loses his hair, you going to toss him out?  Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. The photographer has ways of placing people so everyone looks great. She is your friend and  you will do irreparable hurt to her by excluding her from your wedding party. Don't ever get a puppy, they can grow up to be ugly dogs.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

    Can you explain  why children never seem to have time once they leave home for their families? It seems this generation are very self absorbed. We have five children and only two seems to want to spend time with us. We helped them all through their early years treating them all the same. Two of them always celebrate birthdays and special occasions including us in their festivities. Is two out of five a good percentage?

2 out of 5
 
Dear   40% -
  Sorry I can't explain  adult children.  Be thankful that you raised two that have grown into loving and caring adults. Enjoy them and their families and treat the others as acquaintances as that sounds like what they have become. However don't give up on them.  In these days, I truly believe that you are blessed with your percentage.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   My brother is going with a girl that none of our family like. When we have a family get together she seems to always ruin it with her off color remarks. It is embarrassing for our parents when she talks about her sex life with my brother. We respect our parents and know these subjects should not be discussed at the dinner table. My siblings talked about this and since I am closes to my brothers age they nominated me to talk to my brother. How do I approach this without him thinking we all are picking on her?

one of the sisters
 
Dear OOTS -
   Be honest and tell him that all the family feels this way, and you all want to have a relationship with his girlfriend. He should be open with his girl explaining that in your family talking about your sex partners is not something that any of them are comfortable with. If she continues then when she starts at the next family gathering, just say that is far too much information for you all. Then start another subject that everyone can join into, hopefully she will get the message.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   I am having an affair with a friends husband. We all go out together occasionally. I am finding it very hard not to show my feelings towards him. He has told me he will never leave his wife, and  is now suggesting we stop seeing each other. I love this man and I am considering telling his wife about our affair. She will certainly kick him out and I will have a clear path with him. Any suggestions on how to proceed?

Lover
 
Dear Home wrecker  -
   Proceed to the nearest shrink, you sound like a very self absorbed women. He has made it plain  to you that  he  will never leave his wife. Why cause his wife unhappiness just because he was stupid enough to get mixed up with you..

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

    My Mom has started dating this guy, who we don't like. He tries  to tell my sister and I what to do all the time. My sister is twelve and I am fourteen. Our Dad left three years ago, he said he would talk to our Mom about Jerry, but she just won't listen. We want to go live with our Dad. Mom says over her dead body. My sister and I are considering saying Jerry is abusing us to get her to listen. Should we?

Sisters
 
Dear Sisters -
   Definitely not, that will only get you and your sister into serious trouble. Plus Jerry doesn't deserve to be labeled a sex offender just because you don't like him. Get your Dad and Mom to sit down together with you and your sister and explain how unhappy you both are. Get some guide lines for all concerned. Maybe suggest that you spend more time at your Dads on week-ends, so your Mom and Jerry can have time together alone. Jerry should not get involved in how you are raised. That should be your parents job.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

  My girlfriend has told me she is pregnant. She intends to have an abortion. I am Catholic and want her to have the baby. She doesn't even want to tell her parents about this situation. I have told her we could get married and put our educations on hold. We are fighting constantly, and I am afraid she will just go ahead on her own. Should I tell her parents and let them help me to  get her to change her mind?

Father to be
 
Dear FTB -
   Your girlfriend needs your support, I am sure she had a hard time coming to this decision. If she doesn't want her parents to know it is not for you to tell them. I am assuming since you're both still getting your education that you are fairly young. Marriage is hard enough without bringing a baby into your world with no job support. It's her choice and you should abide by her wishes.  Roe v Wade is still in effect.  However as the father you have a voice in this decision, you both need to seek counseling as this will affect your future together.  Meanwhile continue to get your education , baby or not.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   I have two best friends,  we are in our late forties. We exchange gifts for our birthdays. One of the ladies always buy the cheapest thing she can find. She is always the last to put her money on the table when we go out to eat, never adding anything for the tip. How can we fix this problem without losing her as a friend?.

Friend
 
Dear  Friend -
   Good friends are honest with each other. Ask her if she would rather cut out the gift giving and dinners. Maybe she is having cash flow problems. If you know she has money, then she is just cheap. No amount of talking will change that. If that is the case and it is ruining the relationship, stop inviting her to the dinners and say you have decided to stop the gifts. But if you love your friend, and she has other attributes, then enjoy her without putting a price on the friendship.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

  My  Dad just told us that he is gay, and my Mom has told him to pack his bags. She doesn't want my brother or me to have anything to do with him. We still want him in our lives as we love him regardless. What should we do?

Sad Situation
 
Dear  SS -
      You both sound very mature in your thinking. Your Mom  hopefully will come around after she gets over what she thinks as a betrayal. Your Dad is still the same man he was before coming out. Let  your parents  know that you love them both and want them  in your lives. Be patient, I am sure they will come to some agreement. With you and your brother's mature guidance.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I am a thirty year old women, I have been dating two guys for a few years. My parents like the one who is well established in his job. He has asked me to marry him and says he wants a commitment from me soon. My other fellow is still just enjoying life, we laugh and enjoy just about everything we do together. My girlfriends are all married and starting families. They are pushing me to make a commitment to get married. I love both of these men just not sure what to do at this point.
Sally
 
Dear  Sally -

   First, it's not your parents who are marrying either guy. Just because your friends are married doesn't mean you have to rush into marriage. Take your time and enjoy yourself and don't be pushed  into a decision that could affect your whole life. You have lots of time to make any plans for marriage. YOU will know what is right when the time comes.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   I stole ten dollars from my Moms  purse. Now she is blaming my brother. What should I do?

Sorry daughter
 
Dear Sorry  -
    Stealing anything is a serious issue and will lead to problems in your future. Tell your Mom that you did it and say you will never do it again.  Then do some extra chores around the house for a week.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

     I am in love with my girlfriend, and she doesn't know that I am gay. We spend holidays together and enjoy our times. I am afraid to come out as she is interested in men. Should I tell her my feelings and take the chance of losing her forever?

mixed emotions
Dear  Mixed  -
   If she is interested in the male species then my dear your not even in her equation of  sexual love. Get on with your life and keep her as a friend only. 

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   Am I crazy? My sister came over the other day and blew me away. She wants my help. She has three kids all to different fathers and is living with the father of the last child. She is pregnant by another guy she met through a friend of hers. At least that is her story. I donít know how she knows who the father is. She wants money for an abortion and doesnít want anyone to know this. Problem is she wants me to pay for it and not tell my husband. I donít work outside the house and all our money is designated monthly. She thinks I am letting her down by not giving her the money, and says I will ruin her life.
Sister
Dear  Sister -
     Youíre not the crazy one, but your sister certainly is. She does not need you to ruin her life as she is doing it all on her own. Say NO and let her deal with her own problems, then maybe eventually she will grow up. She needs help in finding out why she sleeps around so much. But that is her problem, not yours.

Auntie Jane

 

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Dear Auntie Jane -
   My Dad lost his job a month ago. He goes for interviews but hasn't got anything yet. He worked for a company for years but due to downsizing he was let go. Dad seems to be getting more depressed daily. My Mom works full time now and comes home cranky and they fight all the time. I have a paper route so I donít need an allowance. I just hate to see them unhappy.

Worried son

 
Dear  Worried -
   You sound like a great person. This is a trying time for many families in the current economic situation.  I know your parents appreciate your empathy. You could suggest to your Dad that you both cook dinner and have it ready when Mom comes home. Keep the house tidy and maybe do some laundry. You and your Dad could get your Mom to make the grocery list and you both do the shopping. You will be keeping Dad busy and he will feel like he is contributing to the household. The bonus is your learning frugal shopping and having time together. I am sure your Mom would not be cranky when she sees that you are trying to make her life easier.  

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
    I am a married women, and  I find that  I am attracted to my girlfriend's husband. I dream of him often and wake up wanting him in my bed instead of my own husband. Should I talk to him on the quiet and see if he has the same feelings. He is always friendly towards me.
Unhappy
 
Dear Unhappy -
   YOU are unhappy? What about the others involved if you continue this juvenile behaviour? If your are thinking this way, your marriage needs  work. Attend to your own problems and leave your girlfriend's husband out of it.  Did you really expect me to condone cheating?  Husband stealing?  Marriage interference?  You need to get your sh*t together, girl.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I love him but; I have been going with my guy for over a year now, I have never had an orgasm having sex with him. He has no problem, but I feel like I am missing out. I am afraid to tell him as then he might feel inadequate about our sex life.

No Big O

 
Dear  NBO -
   If you plan on spending the rest of your life with this man, you must start out in an honest relationship. Communication is the main ingredient of an enduring and healthy sex life together. Get some books on the subject of sex and participate together while reading them. Maybe introduce a few sex toys to help bring you to a climax. Donít be afraid to tell him what you want as he will then learn how to please you. When he can see that you are enjoying what is happening it will encourage him all the more.

Auntie Jane


 

Dear Auntie Jane -
  I am a twelve year old girl who lost her Mom a year ago from cancer. I love my Dad and brother, but I need someone to help me with my problem. I can not talk to either one as it concerns sex. I met this boy and we hang around at school and he comes over to my house. We have been experimenting a bit with sex. Now I find out he has told his friends that he has had sex with me and he is bragging about it. My brother goes to the same school two grades ahead of us and I am afraid he will hear about this. We really have not had sex, only a bit of touching and feeling. What should I do?

Sad

 
Dear  Sad -
   That is the immaturity of young boys. You have learned that the hard way. As this is gossip on his part you need to face him. You will have to deal with girl issues on your own right now. Talk to this boy and make it plain that you will be telling his friends he is bragging about something that never happened as well you will inform others he lies about girls. You donít want a reputation based on a lie. Do you not have an aunt or a female friend of your Motherís, or a coach at school who you can discuss these problems with? Dads are not known for having sympathy with girl issues. But you donít want your Dad completely out of the loop of whatís going on in your life. If you want to communicate with me again, I will talk to you privately through your email address. Sex is not something you need at this early stage in your life.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
     Should I or shouldnít I? We had a pit-bull dog in our neighbourhood that barked all night. The owner of the dog was told by many and never seemed to listen to any complaints. I was up late the other night sitting in the dark, looking out my window. I saw a figure emerge from the shadow of the house next door. As I watched this person, I saw he had something in his hand. Before I could even move I heard a shot, then he slipped into the neighbour`s yard, picked up something and back to his own yard. This neighbour is doing lots of gardening at the moment. The dog has not been seen since. Should I just keep quiet and not mention it to anyone or confront him and tell him I saw what he did? The nights are very quiet around here now..

Sleeping in Seattle

 
Dear  Sleeping -
   The dog owner was negligent letting his dog bark all night and showed no respect for the entire neighbourhood. But killing a dog is a crime. However you have a pit-bull owner versus a midnight gunslinger. I believe you were sound asleep that night and wonít want to be involved with either party.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I would love your opinion on this; my daughter-in-law and I have never really hit it off from day one. I have two grandsons and one granddaughter. I also have two other grandchildren from my own daughter and I buy them presents for special days and have never had any problems with them not liking my gifts or them wanting to return them. My daughter-in-law, however, always asks for the receipt for the gifts I buy her kids. Then I never see any of the items that I spent time choosing for them. Should I confront her about this as I canít believe they wouldnít like any of my choices?

Grannie

 
Dear  Grannie -
   You have two separate issues here: Your relationship with your daughter-in-law, and the children's presents. First ask yourself why you two donít get along? Is it also the rest of your family or is it just you that finds her a problem? Asking for receipts implies she is returning the gifts. But you are not sure why. You need to communicate on this,  your use of  the word 'confront' belies an attitude. Grannies don't always know what children's choices would be. Next time an occasion arises suggest that you and your grandchildren go shopping together for their gifts. Explain that you would like to spend the time with them to choose their own. Meanwhile, try to build a better relationship with her for the sake of family unity. 

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I like this guy in grade ten and he never seems to notice me ever. He has a girlfriend, but she is always hanging out with her girlfriends and he looks lonely. Should  I ask him out  for a coffee after class?

Want his attention

 
Dear Wha -
   Donít you understand he already has a girlfriend?  If they break up then go for it, until they do hands off. There must be many other single guys at your school.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   No where to turn. My husband of three years has started to drink daily and is getting abusive with myself and baby. He yells if she starts to cry and smacked me last week when I picked her up as she was frightened of his yelling. The next day he apologized and said he was sorry. I asked him to stop drinking; he says he needs to relax after a hard day at work. He is getting home later each day as well and he has started going to a bar to drink with his friends on the week-end. My girlfriend thinks he is an alcoholic. But he works and brings home his money for all our needs. Should I just stop nagging him.

Confused

 
Dear Confused -
   It is not nagging to expect your husband to be sober and participate in his family. The smack is another issue. It is totally unacceptable for him to hit you at any time. This is a dangerous situation and the next time it might be the baby that gets hit.

  Find out where your local help center is from the Yellow Pages or the internet and they will advise you of your options. Tell him if he wants to stay a family he needs to seek help.  If he has just started to drink daily, something is troubling him. He should contact AA for information on alcoholism and counseling. He needs help now so he will be able to be a father to his child in the years to come.

   Abusing his wife is a very serious situation and you need to be particularly strong on this one. He has to know that if he ever lays his hand on you again, you will contact the police and have him removed from your home. Drastic action but he needs to know his marriage is at stake.

   Having said all this, it seems he is hard working and you do love him. Talking to him honestly about this problem is your way of keeping your family together. But no more apologies will be accepted. 

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I am seventeen  and my Mom caught me dressing up in her clothes. She just left me standing there in her bedroom and has not brought it up to me. Now my dad is trying to push me into sports again, which I quit over two years ago. So I know that my mom told him. I feel more like a girl than a guy and have felt this way for years. Should I tell them my feelings? I know if I do they will rant and rave at me. I feel so vulnerable and have thought about suicide. I believe I am a transsexual and just can't change my feelings.

tranny

Dear Tranny -
    A cross-dressing fetish does not make a transsexual or a gay man.  At seventeen you really are far too young to make any major decisions, but learning about your psyche is very important. Read as much as you can, see your family doctor privately and tell him/her everything you are feeling. You do need professional advice on this. Then you should get your parents involved so they will understand where you are coming from.

   Your mother was probably shocked and confused but did not rant at you at the time so it seems she would be the one to approach first. Tell her what you have learned so far which will show her you are doing this with a mature attitude.  Most parents' goal in life is to have their children happy and living a life they choose.  Ranting will never solve anything, keep your cool while discussing this and ask that they do too. But in the scheme of things it will be you who decides on your life's direction.

   Suicide is not an option as this is not the end of the world at all. There are heterosexual men who are married and lead a happy life while cross-dressing. There are many gay men who do the same thing. Some even make their living on stage as female impersonators. You have lots of time to make any decisions affecting the rest of your life. Take it one step at a time.

Auntie Jane


 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I am a fifty year old women. Everyone around me is pissing me off. My family just takes me for granted and expects me to do everything around the house as well as cook every night. I also work a forty hour work week. I am afraid that I will just walk away from them all soon.

The Family Slave

Dear TFS -
   In olden days you became a slave by being captured by an enemy. Today slavery creeps up on you. Take a deep breath, exhale. Has this been going on for some time or only since you turned fifty? Nevertheless you've suddenly become aware of your situation. Obviously you have allowed this servitude to happen but now you need to make drastic changes without assuming any guilt. And your spoiled family will certainly lay it on you. But you've got into this because you love and care for your family. 

   First make a list of chores for all concerned. Divide it up equally and stick to it. This is going to be contentious and you need resolve here, even down to just making your own dinner and ignoring the others if they don't cooperate. DON'T give in.  

   I am assuming you might be starting the change of life and this has brought the problem to a head. Have a check up with your doctor, if you are starting menopause there is help for you. But we are not blaming that, are we?

   There was a woman your age once in the news who felt exactly like you do. She left her family and set out walking across RUSSIA! It took her a year and she became a changed woman. You needn't tackle Russia but you could traverse your neighbourhood in the evenings while your family cleans up the kitchen. Leave an advertisement for hiking boots on the coffee table as a warning.

Auntie Jane

 

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Dear Auntie Jane -
  My sister is constantly asking to borrow money from me and never pays it back. I love her but this is ruining our relationship.  Any suggestions?                                                                                                    

 Sister

 
Dear Sis - 
   The next time she asks just say NO. And tell her until she pays you what she owes you,  no more loans. Simple and honest, she needs to be responsible.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   My girlfriend who is going through a divorce has started to openly flirt with my husband. He says she just needs some male attention and laughs it off. I am not the jealous type, but it is starting to bug me and I find I am spending less time with her yet know I should be there for support as she is having a bad time. Any suggestions?

Karen

 
Dear Karen -

   Your husband is probably correct to laugh it off as she is trying to assert to herself that she is still an attractive woman. However,  I would still sit down with her and explain maybe she isnít realizing what she is doing and it is making you uncomfortable. Make sure she knows that you want to continue to be there for her. But your husband is off limits. Honesty in a friendship only makes it stronger.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   Nosey neighbour. My next door neighbour watches everything going on in our surrounding area. Then gossips about everyone that lives near her. She is spreading stories about a friend of mine two doors down, that she has a strange man over when the husband is away. I have told Snoopy that I am not interested in her tales but she continues to gossip. I feel it is none of my concern what my friend does. Should I tell her about what Snoopy is spreading?

Neighourhood Watch

 
Dear NW -

   Maybe Snoopy is very lonely and feels she gets attention this way. Gossip always needs a willing ear.  Don't listen or repeat.                          ...... Pssst! Wanna hear what she said about you?

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I am twelve years old and hate my Mom as she never lets me do what I want. She is so strict and I have to do chores every week-end.

Game Boy  

 
Dear  Gamer -
   Every child hates his Mom at one time or another. It just shows she is doing a good job as a parent.  Unless you're rich you're going to be doing chores for the rest of your life. When you grow up you will understand how much she loved and cared for you. She is training you for the game of life.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   Advice would be helpful. I am a Asian women who is going out with an African man, my parents are very much into their own culture and believe we should marry our own kind. All my siblings have and I am the last one in our family. His family have accepted me and welcome me to their family circle. We spend most of our time with them. I would like to feel my family is part of our lives. My sister has said to break up before they find out and disown me. I love him and he has asked me to marry him.

Last Daughter

Dear Last -
   Have a sit down with your parents and be honest with them. Let them know how you feel and ask them to meet your guy as you are sure they would like him if they got to know him. If you are of age explain that you plan to marry him. Tell them you are asking for their blessing, then give them time to digest the situation. Disowning you is very harsh and old world. Be patient before setting a date as family at your wedding is very important. But if all else fails, you need to follow your heart.

Auntie Jane


 

Dear Auntie Jane -

  My girlfriendís husband is having an affair, I saw him with this girl, and he knows I saw him. Should I tell her?

Best Friend

 
Dear BF -

   You are not telling me about his demeanour. Was she his secretary? A co worker? A client? Lunch? Dinner? Cozy little bistro? It COULD all be innocent. I am not negating women's intuition, there had to be a signal to alert your suspicions. But you need to be very sure. You might innocently ask him privately who that girl was you saw him with.  His wife might already know of the situation. Without more information I would advise you to stay out of it for now.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   I have been thinking about having an affair with a co-worker, but he is married with two kids. I am single and really am attracted to this man. He says if we can just have sex for awhile and see how things go then he might consider leaving his family. I am in a dilemma on what to do.

Single

 
Dear Demo Drive -

   Well you might be single but he is not, would you want to be in his wife's shoes? Nothing good can come of this except maybe breaking up a family and the kids losing their father. It will probably happen sooner or later with him as he sounds as selfish as you. Have sex for AWHILE? Does he want to test ride you before trading in his old car? How many other tires is he kicking?

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

     Is it normal to want sex every night, we have been married for over a year and I am wondering if this is the norm?

New Wife

 
Dear  Newbie -

     If Norm wants it every night, and so do you, then let Norm have it. Have fun.  Norm wonít last forever.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

     My husband keeps saying he wants one more baby, we have three already and they are now out of diapers. I am happy they are all healthy and want to start looking forward to them going to school, so I can have time for myself. He is not one to help with the kids or housework, but is a good husband and father. Am I being selfish?

Mother of 4?

 
Dear  M3 -

     Be honest and tell him you want to look forward to having time for you and him. Another child would delay this for years. The key is ďhe is not one to help with the kids or houseworkĒ.  So I believe you have the answer right there. Itís not selfish to want time for yourself. You NEED time to grow as your own person.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
<>     My partner and I live in a beautiful neighbourhood and we are the only gays who do. There are many families in the area with children and we are starting to get the impression that they are keeping their kids away from our property. As summer approaches we would like to have a neighbourhood get together to let them see we are just two people who enjoy getting to know our neighbours. Should we invite them over as a large group and have a barbecue in our yard? My partner thinks nobody would come.

Want To Fit In

 
Dear  Good Neighbours -
    I think itís a great idea, tell your neighbours on either side what you would like to plan, and would they like to come? I am sure in a large neighbourhood you will find they are not all homophobic and the ones that are will be the losers. If those close by want to come, that's your opening to invite others. Showing yourselves as normal homeowners like them will melt the ice.   Go for it!

Auntie Jane

 

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Dear Auntie Jane -
   I have been having trouble with my mother in law. She wants to have a say in everything we do, and it's like she is still in charge of her little boy.  She arrives every Sunday and wants to make sure he is fed properly. Joe doesn't seem to want to tell her that she is not wanted and just gobbles up her breakfast. She even packs him a lunch before she leaves. By that time I am so angry at his timidness our sex life has plummeted! What can I do about her?

Mother In Law Furious

 
Dear MILF -
  I was going to say he should step up to the plate, but he is already doing that. Next Sunday have plans to go out for breakfast, invite her along. Then drop her off, as you have plans for the rest of the day. The following Sunday let her know midweek you have been invited out by friends for brunch. Break the cycle gently, maybe  invite her to dinner through the week. If she complains, then your husband has to say Sundays are out as itís your morning for each other.  Don't let an interfering mother in law prevent you from being a real MILF someday.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
     My boyfriend is dumb as a box of hammers but so handsome. I might marry him but yesterday I went over to visit my neighbor. We talked about husbands and being married and ended up with a bottle of wine and a smoke. I kissed a girl. And liked it. I don't know what to do because I think I might like pearls better than diamonds now. What do I tell my boyfriend?

Jill S

 
Dear Jill S -
     I heard your song, try this tune for an answer - The tone of your letter suggests immaturity in how you are thinking of your boyfriend, you need to take some time before making any decisions that might affect the rest of your life -  Why tell him anything till you know if you like diamonds or pearls.  It may not be a decision at all, trust your heart.  

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
     My boss is making sneaky little sexual innuendos to me. Nothing I can prove. He just comments sometimes about what I am wearing when no one else can hear. He is married with 3 kids. I am single.  I know I couldn't do much about it anyway as he runs the whole company division in this town. I really like this job and don't want to lose it. He has suggested I could become his personal assistant which would mean a nice raise in pay. But I can see the 'strings attached' look in his eyes. What would you do? Oh, did I forget to mention? I am a guy.

Straight Or Gay?

 
Dear  SOG -
      Of course I am assuming you are not interested because of your letter, BUT, you mention innuendoS, suggesting more than once. Are you giving him mixed signals?  Bad situation all around. Just start telling him about your gorgeous girl friend and what she does for you even if you don't have one. Meanwhile do a great job and get your resume in order.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

     My Mom passed away 2 years ago, my Dad has been seeing a women for a year. The whole family does not like her one bit and she keeps pushing to move in with him.  He is quite well off. She has no job. She is splitting our family up and my brother wonít talk to my Dad or let him see his grandchildren. What should we do?

Sandra

 
Dear  Sandra -
     He is a grown man and should be treated with respect. The more you all give your negative opinions the closer he will become to this lady. Your Dad isnít trying to replace your mother maybe he just needs someone so he can stop grieving and get on with his life. Would any women be welcome in your family? The grandchildren have nothing to do with it, they have lost a grandma.  You need to look closely at your motivations for disliking her. Remember your Mom and quit grieving the potential loss of your inheritance.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
     I live next door to a lech; Tom continually tries to get me to go to bed with him. His wife seems like a nice person, but works night shift. When I know it's him I donít answer the door, but then he keeps knocking till I do. How can I stop him without having to move?

Phyllis

 
Dear  Phyllis -
      This calls for action. The next time Tommyknocker comes to the door have a tape recorder going if you donít have one borrow it. Ask him what he wants and let him babble off his lecherous mouth, tell him you have no interest in the advances of married men. THEN tell him you have taped his conversation, and will play it for his wife if he knocks again, your lech repellant should alienate him. 

Auntie Jane

 


 

Dear Auntie Jane -
     My husband and I just bought our first house, this neighbor keeps coming over uninvited, and we donít want to seem unwelcoming.  We both work through the week and are very busy in the evenings and on week-ends. What can we say to her? 

Kari

 
Dear  Kari -
      Don't say anything to her. Don't answer the door.  

Auntie Jane

 


 

Dear Auntie Jane -
     I am a 30 year old woman, fairly good looking, and my husband keeps openly flirting with my girlfriends, it makes them and me uncomfortable. I have told him but he continues to do it. It is getting to the point of me thinking of leaving him. What do you think I should do?

Jackie

 
Dear  Jackie -
     You married him, weren't there any warnings of this behavior? Did you think you could change him?  If your friends are single, see them away from his flirtations. The underlying question is does he flirt when you aren't there? Leaving him is a big step, you need serious discussion first.  If you are good looking, do guys try to flirt with you? What would he do if they did? I would suggest you try it, just to curb his enthusiasm but it could backfire on you if YOU liked it. You don't happen to live next door to a single woman and work night shift, do you?

Auntie Jane

 

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