more letters and email  -  3


even more selected emails

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   I have a  problem, I have been sleeping with four different girls in the last six months. I was tested for HIV and have the virus. I don't know who gave it to me  and I'm really upset. Should I tell them or let them find out for themselves? Then I don't have to take the blame and they might think it was someone else.

 Unlucky in Sex 

 
Dear UIS  -  

   Why would so many young people even THINK I would go along with such a ridiculous notion? Poor you!  What about the girls? You have to warn them to get to a doctor right away, you inconsiderate fool.  Before they spread the virus not even knowing if they have it. If you were sleeping with four different girls you should have been using protection. They should have made sure you did. From now on keep it in your pants if you are not going to use protection. It is a chargeable criminal offense to  have unprotected sex when you know you have HIV! 

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

    I am sixteen and just found out that I am pregnant. My boyfriend said he would pay for an abortion. He said not to tell my parents as they would probably want  me have the baby as they are Catholic. I am scared and would want to have my mom with me.  I think I am too young to look after a baby and my parents would not want me to put it up for adoption. What should I do?

  Katie

 
Dear   Katie -  

    Wow, you picked a complicated one! I believe you should tell your parents and discuss how you feel. Then listen to what your parents have to say. But you might want to have your doctor's opinion, AND a counselors input as well.  If you have the baby it should be you to decide if you want to raise it or put the baby up for adoption. Some parents will surely love this child like it was their own. You are very young and have your whole life ahead of you, children are a lifetime obligation. I believe sixteen is far too young too. You need lots of advice before making this decision.  If you decide on an abortion, I am sure your Mom will come with you if she knows that is what you truly want. Be sure you go to a proper clinic or hospital.   

Auntie Jane


 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I love to cook. When I have company for dinner I always make a delicious meal with a complementing dessert and a wine chosen to bring out the flavors of the food. I usually serve two drinks before we start the meal. Certain friends that come bring their homemade wine which tastes like vinegar to me. I never serve it and usually put it down the sink after they have gone. I won't even cook with it. How can I get it across to them without seeming rude to go and get a nice bottle of wine from the liquor store. I don't expect an expensive bottle as there is many good wines around under twenty dollars. They always rave about my choices of wine.

 Tired of  headache wine

 
Dear   Tired -  

    The next time they come open YOUR chosen wine before they arrive and just say you are already into it, then put their wine in front of them at the table and ask if they would prefer it. If they don't want their own, wrap it and give it back to them when they leave, saying  you just cannot drink the homemade varieties without getting a headache. If that doesn't work just don't invite them back. Of course, wine quality and taste is arbitrary and it seems your home vintner friends like what they make themselves.  I found a fabulous Argentinean red wine recently for under 12 dollars! It sounds like you put a lot of effort into your dinners and you should have the enjoyment too. Especially the pleasure of the right wine. 

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   Summer is coming and we live in a resort community. All our relatives have already started asking when they can come to spend their holidays with us. This happens every year and my family is just tired of all of them descending on us through the summer. How can I put it nicely that we have a very busy schedule this summer and it won't be possible to put them up in our house. We all work and only take holidays after the summer. 

 Worn out  from them all

 
Dear WOFTA  -  

   You said it just fine in your letter to me. You could say you can look for accommodations in the area for them if they choose to spend their holidays near you. Then maybe have them over for a barbecue while they are there. That is all you have to do for them.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   I just  found out my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend. He says he is sorry and it will never happen again. He tells me he loves only me and that my friend came on to him when I was out of town. He asked me to marry him and I just don't know if I can ever trust him again. My girlfriend keeps phoning leaving messages that she is sorry and she wants to keep our friendship. She also gave me all the details of the affair and said she was sorry for letting it go on for so long. My boyfriend said it was a one night stand. Who am I to believe? 

Chandra

 
Dear Chandra  -  

   Best friends like her - who needs enemies? Friends don't ever do that to someone they care for. She sounds like she is trying to to get your man for herself and maybe you should let her have him as they seem suited to each other. The problem is someone is lying about the time element.

If you decide to give your boyfriend another chance I would make sure he knows you will drop him like a hot potato if you even think he is straying. Nevertheless this is not good for a start to a marriage. Don't make any decision for  a year and see if he is the one who will make you happy for the years to come.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   My husbands brother is always bragging about how much money he makes. He keeps putting down how we live our lives. We are comfortable and own our home but we have to budget for the extras. He wants us to go away with him and his family this summer on holidays. I know we would spend far more on a trip with him than we would going ourselves. I said no when he brought up the subject, now he keeps asking my husband when I'm not around. My husband does not want to hurt his brother and thinks we should go. I work part-time for our extras and don't feel like spending it having a holiday that I would not enjoy with this braggart. His wife and I have nothing in common and neither do our kids. Now I am getting the silent treatment from his family. Any suggestion? 

 Sister-out-law

 
Dear Sol  -  

   Tell your husband that you only have a holiday once a year and you certainly want to enjoy it and that is why you work for those special times. If he wants to spend time with his brother tell him to save up for a week-end away with him. A game or fishing trip? I would be honest with your brother-in-law and just say he would drive you crazy going away with him. Say it with a laugh and add that he is welcome to spend some of his fortune on a week-end with his brother, as he always is talking about having so much. This will probably start a family feud, but you don't sound too interested in any kind of relationship with them anyway. You're really  only suggesting he put his money where his mouth is.   

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   My gay brother just came out of the closet. Now he is hitting on my dates when they come to pick me up. I have told him to butt out and he just laughs at me. He insinuates that I am the one with the problem. How can I deal with this?

 Embarrassed  and pissed off

 
Dear  EAPO -  

   He is pulling your chain and its called sibling rivalry. But you are not rivals for the same men. I think your brother is just enjoying his new freedom with you. Warn your dates ahead of time so they can take that extra step to let him know he is not their type. Play with it and take it in your stride, he will get tired of the game quickly when he gets no reaction.   

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
  My  husband and I were out for dinner last week and we bumped into my Dad with another women. I made a scene in the restaurant and yelled at him. The women was much younger and looked like a  prostitute. My husband was furious at me for embarrassing him and my Dad. My Dad called and apologized and asked that I not mention this to my Mom. I did not accept this and told him if he didn't tell my Mom I would and hung up. My husband has told me to mind my own business. My thoughts now are if he thinks this way, is he accepting men can cheat on their wives. Should I tell my Mom as I will not be in my Dads company again and my Mom will wonder why.

   Crushed  

 
Dear  Crushed -  

    It was unfortunate that you saw your Dad with this other women. But you don't know what goes on in your parents lives and perhaps your Mom already knows. ???  As for your husband it sounds like he is more mad at missing his meal and being embarrassed. Sit down and discuss this with him and listen to his reasoning. Not that he is condoning your father's behavior but you need to know his thoughts on this. Men are such wimps at confrontations with parents.
I am sure your Dad is feeling guilty at you seeing him. Time will heal but that does not mean you will look at your Dad with the same feelings and he will know it.  And after all, it is between your Mom and him anyway.  

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   My girlfriend has been having an affair with a guy she works with. I first thought it was just a fling but now she is talking about leaving her husband of ten years for this jerk. He is married and has a couple of kids and very immature for his age. He has one child from his first marriage which only lasted a few years. We live in a small community and I am sure the gossip is going strong about these two. She won't listen to any advice that I give her and now it is affecting our relationship. My husband tells me to just butt out of her life and let her ruin her marriage on her own. Should I?

 Scared for her future 

 
Dear  SFHF -  

   Take your husband advice, you can't help if she doesn't want or ask for it. If this guy has had two marriages already, the percentage of marriages failing is at eighty percent for another to fail. Hopefully she will come to her senses before it's to late. In a small town maybe her husband is already aware of her fooling around. Not your concern or business.  

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   My sister and I have not spoken for five years. Now she wants to visit from out of town and asked if she and her family could stay with us. Our home is big enough, but I think it would be very uncomfortable having them here. She has always been cheap and I feel she just wants free accommodations as her son is in a soccer tournament for the week-end. When she asked she ignored the fact about us not talking for so long. That is another story. Any suggestions on how to deal with her?

 Sister in Seattle 

 
Dear  SIS  -  

   If you don't feel comfortable tell her your feelings and suggest that you could find her a hotel close and that her family could come to dinner after the game. Why not go to one of the games and have some time talking about why you and her have been estranged for five years. Maybe that will be the start of you both forgiving and forgetting. 

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

    My mother is a pain in the ass, that is putting it mildly. She constantly phones at dinner and wants to tell me all her problems of the day. She has no friends and argues with her neighbors daily. She gets annoyed if I say we are just sitting down to dinner could I call her back later. Then she sulks till the next call. How can I break this habit of hers?  

   Daughter  of a miserable Mother

 
Dear  MOAMM -  

   Get call display, and don't answer.wer!  

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

    How can I tell my friend when she asks for advice, then before you even finish your sentence to help her she continues to say "oh that is not me". I'm at the end of my patience with this person. Should I just say to her either listen or don't ask?

  Sally

 
Dear  SIN -  

   No one sees themselves like others do. If she is asking you for advice tell her to keep quiet and listen. If she can't do that then don't waste your time. These type of people rarely want to hear the truth about themselves. Tell her to go to a psychologist and pay him/her to listen. That should get you off the hook. Usually when people ask for advice they just want to confirm what they are thinking. Free advice is usually not taken.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

    I never thought I would be writing to anyone at my age for advice.  My husband died two years ago, we had been married for fifty-five years. It was a happy marriage and I miss him terribly. My children want me to sell my home and move into an apartment. I love my garden and able to keep up the house with a gardener and cleaning lady . I have enough money to travel and have a good life. The problem is one of my sons and his wife want me to either sell them the house or put a mortgage on it so they can buy. I have three other children two which are financially stable so they don't need my help. The other one has made it clear to me that if I sell they want a share . What would you suggest?

   Mother  of four

 
Dear  MOF -  

    Stay in your house for as long as it suits you. Sounds like you have a couple of spoiled greedy kids. You don't owe any of your children a thing. If you have extra money to lend them a down payment that is different. When they show you they have saved towards a down payment then help them out , not by selling your home. Just because two of your four are fine financially doesn't mean  that they should not share  equally in your will. Till then enjoy your house and holidays you certainly have earned your retirement . Stop worrying about your kids you have no obligations to any of them and should feel no guilt. Enjoy your home garden, travel as I am sure that is what your husband would have wanted for you.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I am still a virgin  and my girlfriends are always talking about climaxes. I am thinking about having sex with my boyfriend in the next while and want to know how I will know if I have one. One  friend says she has many every time ,other say they don't and another said never. Help as I don't want to sound naive and  inexperienced.

Bethany  

 
Dear  Bethany -  

    There is nothing wrong with being naive or inexperienced when it comes to sex.  Just because your friends are sexually active you don't have to rush it. You don't say how old you are so go to the library and pick up some books on sex. Joy of Sex comes to mind. Climaxes come from having a partner that cares about you enjoying as much as he is. Some women take longer to reach a climax than others. It come from trying different position with your partner and being completely relaxed.  You will know when you have reached yours. I promise. If not learn how to fake it, three moans works fine.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   I feel guilty .One of my girlfriends told me something in confidence and I told another friend. She must have told someone else and it got back to her and now she knows it was me who couldn't keep her secret. Should I apologize and tell her I was drinking and it slipped out?

   Big mouth

 
Dear  BM -  

    I am sure she has learned her lesson not to trust you with any secrets again. Hopefully she will pass on to friends on what you did so no one else will confide in you. I am amazed at how few women can  keep a secret. Men seem to be able to keep their mouths shut about their buddies.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

    I have been happily married to a wonderful man for twelve years and we have two great kids. I have had two affairs in these twelve years and never told anyone. Now one of the guys is moving in across the street from us with his wife. Their kids are ages with ours so I am sure they will play together.  And I am sure we will get together with them and other neighbors at barbeques and parties. I am afraid that my former lover may talk when drinking at a gathering. Should I tell my husband about this to make a clean slate?

   Bothered and guilty

 
Dear   BAG -  

    Clean slate for who? I am sure your ex-lover is just as worried about you spilling the beans as you are. Why not talk to him discreetly to make sure that he knows it is finished. Tell him to keep your dirty little secret between yourselves, then nobody gets hurt.  Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.  You better go back to your first line though, and define 'happily married'.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I am in a dilemma. My father has asked if he can come live with me and my family. He is getting on in years and forgetful about looking after himself and eating properly. My husband and the kids don't want him to move in with us. They think we should put him in a place that has assisted living where he would be with people his own age and be looked after by professionals. I love him dearly but I work full time and my kids are teenagers who have busy schedules. We have a large house and he could have a separate area downstairs which is fixed up very nice. I need help in what to do as I feel so guilty.

   loving daughter

 
Dear  LD -  

   You seem to be the only one in your family with any compassion. Granted it would be a big change for the family. And for an elderly man it must have been difficult for him to even ask.

You have not said how old he is. Or if he currently has his own house. Or how long since his wife died? Or if he has much money.

So I will make my own scenario: He is old and you and your family are 'Me' generation people and have no time for him. I think he hasn't a house so there isn't a greed factor of getting him out of there so you can sell it. I suspect he has no one to confide in except you since he is alone. He might have a little money but not enough to put up with him for.  Older people just don't fit into your active lifestyle, they're just not cool.

Sadly, I suppose this is the state of the world today. Maybe you all need to move to China or somewhere where old family members count. How hard would it be to make a place for him in your basement? How hard would it be for his grandchildren to miss a schedule to spend some time with him? How hard would it be for your husband to take him to a game and buy him a beer once in a while?  YOU need to take control of the situation, it's your father. BUT, making him feel shut out of your family life by ignoring him will be a worse step in you feeling guilty, So think on how it would work out  carefully.

What about a compromise? Try to find a place close to your house so he could come and maybe stay over a few week-ends. Then his grandchildren should make an effort to visit him to see how he is making out in his new surroundings. (assuming you could make them care) It will probably take him awhile to get settled in a new place, but he might meet new people and lose interest in coming to stay with you. Hopefully he will meet someone who is interested in him while he is alive.

You're the only one who can make yourself feel guilty.  I suspect your husband and kids won't. Guilt shouldn't be the motivating factor here, Love should be.

Auntie Jane

 

 


 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   My brother is three years older than me. He is sixteen and I caught him in bed with his girlfriend. I don't think he should do that! He said if I told my Mom he would kill me.  I told him if he paid me I would keep quiet.? Now I feel guilty as he is using the money he works hard for. Should I tell him he doesn't have to pay anymore if he drops his girlfriend?

 Nicky 

 
Dear  Nicky  -  

   Shame on you, it is none of your business what your brother does. If you're starting at thirteen to practice  blackmail then you are certainly on a path to trouble. Each state has its own laws about rape and statutory rape, extortion and blackmail. But we should not be discussing words like this. Mind you own business and do not take any more money from your brother. He should not have put you in the position of catching him.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

    I live in an apartment and the women that lives on the same floor is constantly knocking at my door. We are both single and I think she is lonely. I have a very busy schedule and really not interested in her as a friend. She watches me come home from work and then she starts knocking before I have time to even have a shower. I don't want to be rude "BUT." How can I deal with her without making her my enemy?

  Hiding on the fifth

 
Dear  HOTF -  

    Just because someone knocks doesn't mean you have to answer! If she questions you the next time you see her. Just say you were busy and needed some quiet time after working all day. Explain to her that you have a hectic lifestyle and you need your private times to relax. Be civil  just keep her at arms length. She will latch on to someone else eventually. 

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

    My name is Ned  and I am thirteen. I have never kissed a girl or gone out on a date. I don't want any one to know about this letter. I am shy, but have many friends and we hang out and talk about girls. My close bud has said he has gone all the way with this one girl at school. I don't know if I should believe him or not.  I am not sure if I want to have sex yet or not.  Is this normal for my age?

   NED

 
Dear  NED  -  

 You sound very normal  to me. Most thirteen year old boys ARE shy about girls and sex, despite the bravado they exhibit with other boys. You have many years ahead of you to think about dating and sex. Go out in a group with some guys and girls to start out. Plan to go to a movie or bowling as a group or a sports event at school, then just sit around and talk. It'll be fun and you won't feel awkward or shy in a group of friends. I promise it will get easier each time. Thirteen can be a magical age enjoy every minute.  And here's a tip that might draw girls to YOU, Ned  -  make sure you LISTEN to what they are saying.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   We have tried to have a baby for ten years and I am getting past the point of wanting to try any more. So many disappointments to have to deal with every month. Now my husband wants us to adopt and has made an appointment to discuss this with our doctor.  He never even asked me if it was alright to do so. I feel betrayed as  I believe he should have talked to me first before going ahead with the appointment. Am I right or wrong?

 Depressed in Victoria

 
Dear  DIV -  

    No one is right or wrong. Your husband was just trying to get some advice for you both from an expert. The doctor should get you communicating  with each other about what you both are thinking about a family. You both have to be on the same page on this as it will affect you for the rest of your life. I believe  there is some reluctance on your part to to have a family or you both would have pursued an adoption years ago.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   What are your thoughts on an open marriage? My husband wants to try it out and has gone on websites to research this. I am on the fence and worry what if our families find out if we decide to go for it. I have never been the jealous type, but he has been in our marriage. Might be interesting and a change.

 Ready or not?

 
Dear   Ready or not -  

   ... you might be caught. But I believe when people do have an open marriage, they don't necessarily keep it secret. If your husband has been the jealous type before this open casting call, what makes you think he wouldn't be if you were with someone else now? Or you could be the one who gets upset. I wouldn't touch this with a ten foot pole. Find some other form of sexual entertainment for you both. Skydiving naked into a rugby game, or maybe try having sex on the roof of a downtown building dressed in yellow ducks suits.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   My friend Myrtle is driving me crazy. She continues to talk about her family. Everything is a big episode about her kids, their friends and who ever. She never has a conversation about what is going on now,  like about politics  or world affairs. I feel her world is getting smaller each time we talk. How can I get her to forget about family which I have no interest in. To me they are all plastic people talking about how they are hard done by or who said what to whom and when. How can I break her habit and get into an interesting conversation with her? We have known each other for years and it continues to get worse.

 Sad Sally

 
Dear  Sad  -  

    When she starts to talk about family listen for a bit, but then try to steer the conversation to what has been on the news lately. Try to include her into YOUR interests and see what happens. You could  find interesting items in the newspaper or television about current events and be ready to turn the conversation around. She needs to expand her horizons and get some other interests in her life. It is nice to enjoy family but one needs to expand one's horizons too. You might have to abandon poor Myrtle for your own mental stimulation. 

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   My  best friend from school just told me she has tried drugs with her boyfriend and really likes the way it makes her feel. She has been drinking at parties for the last few years.  We are both sixteen and now her marks are getting worse. I am afraid she will not get the marks to go to collage. Her Mom asked me the other day why I thought her last report card was not up to her standards. I don't want to rat her out and lose her as my friend. How should I handle this problem before she ruins her life?

Best friend

 
Dear  BF  -  

   Her Mom must have suspicions if she asked you about her daughter. Has she tried talking to her daughter about this problem?  I would suggest to your friend's Mom to go and talk to her counselor at school. It would be a good idea for YOU to give the counselor a heads up before their meeting. (Of course asking the counselor to respect your confidentiality.) 

You are just trying to help your friend and losing her if she finds out will maybe help her get back on track. Drinking at the age of fourteen is a problem and any experimentation with drugs could have serious consequences. And if she continues this she could land up with a record for both if caught. A good friend is trying to help her get back to her studies as this will be important for her future. It is great that you care for your friend enough to take this action. You ARE doing the right thing. Hopefully she will thank you someday.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   My Nana has just found out she is dying of cancer.  She has always been a big part of my life and I love her so much. Since I found out I have stayed away from her as I am afraid I will start to cry and don't want to upset her. How can I let her know I love her without seeing her?

  Loving granddaughter

 
Dear   Debbie -  

   Go and see her right away, it doesn't matter if you cry your eyes out in front of her. Enjoy this precious time with your Nana and have as many conversations about you and her that you can remember. These memories will have to last you a life time so enjoy each moment and tuck them away for the future. She will be so happy for the time you and her have together. And later on so will you! I urge you to spend the time now and tell her you love her often.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
    I think my husband is having an affair, he has started to come home late. When his cell phone rings he walks out of the room we are in and says it's work related. He is leaving on a business trip in a few weeks and just told me he doesn't need me to drive him to the airport. Which I have always done. I think he is taking someone with him. Should I confront him or insist that I take him to the airport.

  Feel cheated on

 
Dear  FCO  -  

    His behavior sounds a bit dodgy. Why not just leave it till the morning of the day he is leaving and be ready to take him to the airport and don't take no. You will probably see in his reaction what you want to know.  If he still says no then you might be right in your suspicions/assumptions. Then you should confront him and tell him your feelings. Meanwhile, find a locksmith to change your locks while he is away. If this all turns out to be innocent, then tell him you were worried about burglars and give him a new key.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   Hi Auntie Jane, hope you can give me some direction in my life. I am twenty-three unmarried and in love with a married man. He said he would leave his wife but she has cancer and her stats don't look good. He has three kids under ten, he is thirty-five and lives in a nice area in the Valley. She has just been confined to the hospital and it doesn't look like she will return home. He wants me to move in so the kids will get to know me. Do you think that I should so I can bond with his kids?

   In Love

 
Dear  In Love  -  

   Sorry, I think I will throw up. What this guy wants is a baby sitter and someone to screw while his wife is in hospital dying. What does that say about his character? Is he thinking about his wife's comfort during her last days? Is he thinking about his children's coming torment and grief when they lose their mother? I don't know who I am more disgusted with, him or you for thinking you could love a guy like this!

He is twelve years older with not one bit of maturity. Run as fast as you can and look for a relationship that you can participate in on an equal footing. Take this advice or you will be writing to ask me how to get out of this situation in a year without hurting the kids. On second thought, don't write.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

 I love him dearly BUT  he is driving me nuts. We have been married for years and he has always needed so much attention. Now I want to have some peace and quiet away from him. He has retired and is around me constantly. I know I have always given in to this spoiled boy who never has grown up. Now I feel like I will suffocate if I don't get some space. How do I attain this without having constant arguments?

  Wife of a spoiled boy

 
Dear WOASB  -  

   If you have been married to this spoiled little boy for years, you needed to get a backbone years ago. He needs to get a hobby and you need space to do what interests you. Get out of the house alone. If you don't, your life will continue to stay the same.  Marriage is a two way street fifty fifty all the way. Through the years  sometimes the percentage changes but always there has to be a balance for sanity. If you both love each other this level should work, but you both have to respect each other unconditionally. He is no longer a puppy and you need to teach the old dog some new tricks.

Auntie Jane 

 


 

Dear Auntie Jane -

    I live in the host city of the Olympics and just got a phone call from a friend I have not seen for over twenty years. She has asked if she and her husband could come and stay at our house for two weeks. We have nothing in common and  really we think that they are being forward and cheap. I said I would get back to her after I looked at our schedule. What excuse can I tell her?

   Lost for words

 
Dear  Lost for words-  

   Very easy, call and say that this would not work for you. If they would like you to look for accommodations for them. Tell them that would not be a problem, just let you know their price range for hotels.  You probably won't hear from them again. Just watch caller ID though. Or you could invite them over while they are in town for dinner. You might find that you do all have something in common and enjoy the experience.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

    I am having trouble with my brother-in-law. My husband works nights and his brother keeps coming over and making passes at me. I have told him I am not interested but he keeps trying to get me to go to bed with him. Help it's getting uncomfortable when the family gets  together. He has a lovely wife and kids.

Janis

 
Dear  Janis  -  

   This problem is similar to the neighbour who was on the prowl with a girl next door. I told her to get a tape recorder and tape him propositioning her and threaten to play it to his wife. Bet it would work on your problem as well. Don't answer the door just let him talk himself into the tape recorder.

Auntie Jane

 

 

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Dear Auntie Jane -
   I am totally pissed off with my husband and his family. They drop in uninvited and sit and drink all our liquor every week-end. My husband will not say a word against these free loaders. He expects me to make them food and usually invites them to stay for dinner . What can I do besides just leaving the house when they arrive.

Pissed off in Northwest Territories .

 
Dear  Point  -  

    You should make your point when they arrive.Have your coat on and leave saying you have plans with friends. I wouldn't be stocking your liquor cabinet for awhile either. Don't have extra food in the frig for a few week-ends. If your husband has to come up with making something he just might get your point. Do this for a few weeks and I'm sure he will decide to go with you to meet your friends. When your hubby has to do all the work he might lose interest as a host.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   Christmas is not that far off and I am having panic attacks already. We have a large family on both sides. I suggested last year that we only buy for the kids and put the adults name in a hat and have a price limit on the gift. No one agreed with me and all said it only comes once a year. I just paid my last years bill off last month. Help before I have a stroke.

Cathy

 
Dear   Cathy -  

    You're not alone on this subject. Just say that you will not be buying presents this year except for the children. Stick to it and be honest and say you just cannot afford to be paying off bills for nine months after a one day event. No need for apologies  to any of your families. Christmas is for children and getting together with loved ones. Why would you feel so bad that you think you would have a stoke over what is supposed to be a family celebration? Putting names in a hat has become very popular with many.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
    I have started to date a man who was married for ten years. He only gave me his cell number saying he doesn't have a land line. When he receives a call when he is with me he leaves the room to answer the call. If I ask him what the call was about he is always evasive and then drops the subject. I am a very open person and find this strange behavior. I am beginning to think its either another women or his wife who calls. Should I confront him and tell him my feelings.

Bewildered

 
Dear  Nosey -  

    You did not mention how long you have been seeing this man. If its less than six months keep quiet. Some people don't have land lines. Maybe he is seeing someone else or talking to his ex. Not your business if you have only started dating this man. Until he wants to be the only one in your life, just enjoy him when your with him. If you start off a relationship by being noisy (that is what it sounds like) he won't be around too long. Not everyone likes his life  to be an open book. But he does sound a bit evasive.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   I have a question. Do you have a remedy for many aches and pains and a very testy, cranky disposition? Remembering of course no cigarettes or wine or chocolate or anything one might enjoy. Would appreciate any suggestions.

R.J. from Calgary

  Dear  RJ  -   

  No ciggies, wine or chocolate? Great to hear no cigarettes, but a glass of wine before dinner shouldn't be denied as wine is food. Red wine is a particularly rich source of antioxidants which combat the kinds of diseases brought on by stress. And chocolate for one thing, stimulates the secretion of endorphins, producing a pleasurable sensation. Pleasure is counteractive to cranky dispositions.  Unless you are allergic to them, there is no reason to avoid their pleasures. Exercise is a must for the relief of aches and pains. Just a daily walk helps your blood circulate for starters. And you'll feel better about yourself!  Your words "anything one might enjoy" suggest you might be denying yourself pleasures.  Why? You should hold off having a full bottle of wine with a whole chocolate pie every day, but seeking pleasure is not evil. Try to find something silly to do or laugh about the first thing every morning. 

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   I am fourteen going into high school this year. This summer my girlfriend and I had sex with a few boys that will be going to the same school as us. We now wish that we didn't do it as they have started to talk about us to other guys. All of a sudden we have begun to be very popular among the guys and they want us to go out with them. How can we change our reputation before school?

M&T

 
Dear  M&T -  

    You haven't got much time as school is starting. All teenage boys like to boast about girls and how far they get with them and they usually exaggerate. You and your friend will just have to ignore the gossip and move on and keep your panties on. Eventually the boys MIGHT be disbelieved and will move on to their next conquests. Take this first year to excel in high school and learn from your mistakes.  Reputations can follow you for a lifetime, be responsible for yourselves.  

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   Help, I am pregnant and don't know who the father is. I have been sleeping with two different men and my husband. Should I just keep quiet and let my husband think it is his? One problem with this is one of the fellows is negro. Should I have an abortion so not to be found out?

Marlene

 
Dear  Marlene -   

   What a fine fix you have gotten yourself into. By the sound of it you haven't got a great marriage to begin with. And you never mentioned that you love any of these men. You have options but all are hard, and you deserve a hard time right now. But others are involved here too and the ramifications are life long. You can either tell your husband the truth and let him make the decision on how he wants to handle the situation. Or wait till the baby is born for a DNA test, one option of course won't need one. You never said if you want a baby either. Don't let this go, get help to make the right choice. I can't lecture you on your lust but you need to go for counseling to find out why you need to have sex with three guys.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I am eighteen and pregnant. My Mom wants me to have a big white wedding, she says she has dreamed about it and seeing me walk down the aisle since I was born. My boyfriend and I just want to go to Vegas with only family there. I don't think I should be wearing a white dress anyways because I will be showing in a month or so. Please your opinion would be helpful.

Four months along

 
Dear  FMA  -  

    I am with you on this one, its your day. Most Moms want an idyllic marriage day with their daughter. No one seems to care about colour any more anyway.  Look at all the white after Labour Day!  And the symbolic virginal aspects of white are almost forgotten. One wonders how long it will be until black is in?  A wedding should be enjoyed by the couple who are getting married.  Family and friends are the icing whether you have a big cake or not.  Try to steer your Mom toward the joyful aspect of her impending Grandmahood. 

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   How many different sports should a child be in at one time? Another year has started and my husband wants our kids to be in everything that is going on. I believe that one per season should be enough with school and sports at school. Besides it's getting more expensive every year, we are running continually every night. Only one night a week we can sit down for dinner together.

Mother of three

 
Dear  MOT  -  

 II think it depends on what ages your kids are. Younger ones I believe should only do one sport per season as their bodies need to grow. With school and playtime their schedules soon get filled. As they grow older and want to participate in more and you can afford it let them decide with your input. Family dinners seem to be a thing of the past, but I truly believe quality time is the most important. Hope your husband is not trying to live his life through his kids as so many do. Every child should also be exposed to other interests, music, reading and arts. Children also need to have unorganized down time.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   I am married to a nice man and love him dearly. One of my old boyfriends has come into town and wants to meet for a few drinks. We do have a long history together. I never thought my husband would object so I accepted to meet him after work. Now he is mad and not talking to me. Should he not trust me to have a couple of drinks and talk about old times?

Kelly Ann

 
 
Dear  KA -

   Ask yourself if the roles were reversed would you prefer if your husband met his old girlfriend for drinks after work.  If YOUR answer is no. Then I would suggest lunch and ask your husband if he would like to join you. I bet his answer would be no and he tells you to enjoy your lunch. Drinks would have been fine if the old boyfriend had included hubby. How does your nice man know what OBF`s intentions might be with that long history? Make sure  you know what YOUR intentions are.

Auntie Jane


 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

    A close girlfriend just told me that she slept with my husband once two years ago. I thought we had a strong marriage but now  I'm not so sure. Should I confront him and kick him out? We have been married for ten years with two children. We did go through a rough  time around that time. We do everything together as well as he spends loads of time with our kids. I need your input on what I should do.

Sandy

 
 
Dear  Sandy  -

   I certainly would have a talk with your husband if only to make yourself feel better. I would not judge him on one mistake two years ago. I certainly would drop your friend though who needs a friend like her. If  you continue a relationship with her it will only fester your feelings. Move on after you talk to your husband as he probably feels horrible about his indiscretion. He sounds like he loves his family very much by doing so much together. And this is the big one don't bring it up in anger after you have had the discussion.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I just slept with my brother-in law and it was great. Now he wants me to leave his brother and come live with him. I am not sure if this is what I really want at this stage of my life. I have been married for five years no kids, but have a new house in a lovely neighborhood. My sex life hasn't been that good with my husband. I am not sure I want to give up my security and move in with him as he has no job and is known as a ladies man. But the sex is wonderful. I suggested we just meet for sex and leave everything else the same. He has given me a week to decide.

Under Pressure Soon

 
 
Dear UPS -  

   A whole week, huh? Well let's look at the potential scenario; You move in, have sex with him in the mornings before you go to work. Have sex again after you bring home his beer and cook dinner. Perhaps once more before you wash his socks and his (ugh) stained underwear. (No telling of course whose stains those are) And then you repeat that day after day as you peruse the job listings and he gives you reasons why he can't take that one. Then he has to go somewhere at night too, for a job interview of course. And comes home reeking of Eau de Tramp. Well it would take me about 12 seconds to make this decision. And you have 6 days left to visit most any sex shop, where you'll find the girls there honest, friendly and understanding when you ask for the Replace the Brother-in-Law model vibrator.  Don't be this stupid again and stay away from the UPS man when he delivers it.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   I work in a large office with mostly women. One of the girls is constantly trying to make plans for us to either go out to dinner or a play. Most of us are married and after spending the day at work together we just want to get home to our families. She just won't take no for an answer even going as far as making reservations. Then sulks for days if some of us say we have other plans. Now she has started phoning us at home to make plans for the week-ends. She is single and probably lonely, but we feel she should join something outside of work. Two of the women have said straight out that they have no interest in spending time with her. Now she has started spreading terrible rumors about these ladies. Should we go to the boss and tell him what is going on?

Hate  office gossip

 
 
Dear  HOG  -

   Sounds  like this person is not only lonely but controlling. Maybe it would be an idea if one or two of you take her for coffee and tell her how everyone feels about the situation. Explain that you married women have obligations with your families Then tell her nobody is interested in her gossip about any of the people in the office. If she starts to gossip walk away. I would not involve the boss as you don't want to be responsible for her losing her job. Don't be surprised if she leaves and looks for anther office to manipulate. Just let it be her choice.

Auntie Jane

 

 

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Dear Auntie Jane -

   My husband and I divorced two years ago. We have two teenaged kids that are well adjusted and both do well in school and live with me. My problem is not with my husband but his mother. She arrives uninvited and starts in on me about how I'm raising my kids. She tells me I spoil them and give them too much freedom and  I should know where they are every minute of the day. Neither one has given me trouble and both follow my rules of the house. I have told her not to interfere in my family. Then she goes crying to her son and says I am rude to her and wants him to set the rules for her grandkids. He has a wife now who is pregnant and just wants everyone to get along. This is the only argument that my ex and I  ever have. Any suggestions on how to deal with this trouble maker.

Mother of great kids

 
Dear MOGK  -  

    Have you sat down with Granny and told her how proud she should be of her grandkids? If she wants a relationship with them she should enjoy them as they are. They seem to be doing fine as teenagers. Let her know that it's you that sets the rules not her. Explain to her if she wants to be part of their lives she has keep quiet and not cause trouble between you and their father. Let her know if this doesn't work she will be the loser and not be a part of their life. She should phone before arriving on your doorstep and make that clear to her. The pressure is sure to ease off once the new baby arrives.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

    My husband and I have been swingers for five years. We found it stimulated our sex life and enjoyed the excitement of the different couples that we met. Now I want to get pregnant, so have told my husband that I am not interested in continuing this anymore. He has told me I can stop till after I get pregnant but can see' no reason for him to give this lifestyle up. This has caused so many fights, I am wondering if I want to stay married to him and raise a family. Shouldn't he abide by my wishes?

Elli

 
 
Dear  Elli -

   You can stop till you get pregnant, guess he wants to make sure it's his child. How good of him. He sounds very immature and not great father material. I would not have a child with him unless he is willing to change this lifestyle and give it time to see if you are both really in love. Otherwise be prepared to raise the baby on your own.

Auntie Jane

 

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Dear Auntie Jane -

   I was having an affair with a man at work. He wants me to leave my husband, but I don't love him  enough to break up my marriage. It started as just a fling and I was happy to see him once a week in a hotel for the excitement. Now he has threatened to tell my husband about our affair. I lied to him and said I had told my husband and he has forgiven me. Now he has started telling everyone at work about our affair. How can I stop this man from ruining my reputation?

Sorry in Nanaimo

 
 
Dear  SIN  -

   You don't need him to ruin your reputation. You have done that all by yourself. Office affairs seldom work out as you still have to work with the person long after they're over. I would start looking for another job before it gets any nastier than it has. Hopefully he will believe you about telling your husband and not contact him. Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

          I am falling out of love with my husband after seven years of marriage. We have no children, he never wanted any from the beginning. I thought I didn't either but have changed my mind as my biological clock has started ticking. He has said he is going to get fixed so no accidents happen. I want a baby so badly I am a nervous wreck. Anytime I bring up the subject he leaves the room. How can I change his mind?

Amanda

 
Dear  Amanda -

  IIf he calls a baby an accident,  I don't believe you will change his mind. Maybe a counsellor would help to find out why he doesn't want any children. Otherwise I think you must move on with your own life, does he know how you are feeling towards him at this point? Be honest about your feelings and in what direction you want your life to move in. Then let him decide if he wants to be in your life and have a family. I certainly wouldn't force him into becoming a father.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

 
 
 
 

 

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