more letters and email  -  4


yes even more selected emails

 

 

 

 
Dear Auntie Jane -

   I have been married for four years and love my husband. Problem is I also love my best friend and we have been having a lesbian relationship for two years.  I believe my husband suspects something as he keeps asking me  why I spend so much time with her. Now she wants me to go on a holiday with her to just get away by ourselves for a week. I am afraid if I tell him this he will go ballistic and then put two and two together. We both want children, we have good jobs so money is not a problem if I decide to go on this holiday. Should I take the chance and have a week of not having to sneak around?

PJ

  
Dear  PJ  -  

    Are you willing to lose your husband over this holiday and relationship? Because that is what might happen. I think you have to be honest with yourself and find out if you are a lesbian or straight or a bisexual. You say you and your husband want kids, but you should not bring kids into this world before you dig deep and find out who you are and what you want in life. My suggestion would be to not see your friend and work on your marriage first. If you find out you miss her and are unhappy without her then it's time to be truthful to your husband.  Although in today's  marriages and relationships, going on a weeks holiday with a girlfriend is not a subject for divorce.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

    I just found out my husband has been seeing this women from work for over a year. I told him to pack his bags and leave. Now our kids are crying every night and the teacher called to say they are both not paying attention to their school work. He has moved into his folks basement and tells me he broke off the affair. He says he loves me more than anything in this world and wants to come home. I am so hurt I can't even think straight. My heart says I should give him another chance at our marriage for the kids' sake. But I lay awake every night and all I can visualize is him having sex with this women. My sister said she knew about the affair but didn't want to hurt me by telling me. I feel betrayed by both of them. I just don't know what to do any input that would help?

   Shannon

 
Dear   Shannon  -  

   You never said whether you still  love your husband and are willing to put this behind you both and try to work out why he started this affair. Does he work long hours and sees more of his co-workers than his family? Not saying that is an excuse for him. Was your sex life getting dull and you both lost the spontaneity of your relationship? If you cannot forgive him then you both have to move on. Your children will adjust if you explain to them that you and their Dad love them and this has nothing to do with them.

Only you can decide if the marriage is worth saving. Maybe talk to your doctor or counsellor about your situation. As for your sister tell her that you have lost her trust and it will take time for her to earn your trust again. Although she was probably trying to protect you and your marriage. Ask yourself if you had been in her situation would you have told her? Meanwhile don't dwell on your thoughts of another woman, try to move forward. Note -  I didn't say move ON, just move forward.

Time can heal most things so you don't need to act quickly except to pay attention to your children.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   How do you get a guy you're not interested in to stop calling you? This guy calls at least once a day to ask me out. I am single and not interested in him at all. I don't want to be rude but he just doesn't get it.

   Michele

 
Dear  Michele  -  

   Once a day! That guy has a problem. Tell him straight out you're not interested in him and to stop calling you as the police are monitoring your line and they have said this is called harassment.  Maybe he needs his feelings hurt so he will move on.  Sometimes your telephone company can help in this situation too.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

Another Christmas question. One person in our family always has a problem with what should be on the menu. She thinks because she adopted an Asian baby that we all should have a more Asian style menu at Christmas. We have been doing the menu the same for twenty years and now she wants it changed  or she won't attend  this year with our brother and family. Any suggestions on how to deal with  this trouble maker?

Mary and  family

 
Dear   MARY -  

   Why is it trouble? It is supposed to be Christmas cheer for everyone. What difference would it be if she brought rice, noodles and a few of her Asian choices? Everyone else can do the traditional turkey, stuffing and mashed potatoes.  Perhaps your tradition is rabbit and rutabagas but it seems like you are against any change and your sister-in-law simply wants to make her Asian child have a bit of oriental food too. Seems like an easy problem to solve if that is the real problem. Let her bring what makes her happy.  If that is the only problem with family consider yourself lucky.    

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
  My best friend  has a new boyfriend and now she never wants to do stuff with me. When I phone her to make plans she says she is waiting for Cal to call. When he doesn't call then she phones me at the last minute to go someplace she knows he will be.  I feel she is using me and I didn't go the last time and now she won't talk to me. Should I have gone?

  Meg

 
Dear   Meg -  

    Oh, I am sure she will get over being mad at you, most girls that get a boyfriend always drop their girlfriends for awhile. Then they will start to realize that  boys don't want to be available all the time as they would rather hang out with their buddies. Be patient but don't sit around waiting for her call get involved with other friends. 

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   Here we go again its only October and the family feuds have started. Christmas squabbles among family. Who to buy for and who to cut out. We do have a large family and some want to cut out adults and only buy for the kids. What age is a kid no longer a kid?  Some of the nieces and nephews are in college and some out working. I say we should buy for the grandparents and children up to the age of sixteen. Well the parents of the kids older say no way that is not fair. Any suggestions?

Kari

 
Dear Kari  -  

   Why not buy for the kids up to sixteen? Then do a gift basket for the older kid's families including favorites for everyone. Put a price limit on the family baskets.  For the grandparents and great-grandparents get together and make special baskets up.  Everyone could get them gift certificates for dinners out, or a play or movies. Another good idea would be all of you to do special times to be with them. Perhaps marking a new calendar with your future visits and plans with them. They would have these occasions to look forward to. Taking them for a drive in the country or to appointments through the year, or those dinners or just ice cream. Time spent with the older generation would be their favorite gift I'll bet. The costs of Christmas seem to have gone way past reasonable and the spirit should be family gatherings.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
  I have a problem. My Mom smokes weed. She smokes it a lot with my step Dad. They are both happy and my sister and I love them but I am afraid of what might happen if they get caught. They usually make sure we are fed and off doing homework. Then they light candles on the patio and have their dinner with wine too while puffing. I am sure the neighbors can smell it too. I know that if they went to jail for this, we would have to go to foster homes. I am 12 and my sister is 9. This is bothering me because I know it is illegal and don't want to lose my family even if they are potheads.  

 Missy

 
Dear  Missy  -  

   It sounds like you are worrying too much. You are being fed and looked after and it seems to me that they are not hurting anyone and are happy. However it is not a great example for a twelve year old. The law could be changed in California so I am sure they won't go to jail. But it would be a good idea for you to tell them your concerns. It may be unfair to have you taking the responsibility of this, but if they are doing it within the confines of their own home, and OUTDOORS, and they work and function normally, and love each other, then I cannot see a huge problem. However it should not be a subject of conversation among your friends. Meanwhile provide your own example by being a good student in school  and enjoy being twelve, you can start to worry again when you're twenty-one. 

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I am having an on going argument with my parents. I want to travel for a year before I settle down and get married and start a family. I am twenty-four, have saved my money, and have an inheritance from my grandparents. My parents believe I should put the money into a condo  and get serious about my future.

Cynthia  

 
Dear Cynthia   -  

   I agree with you. You have your whole life ahead. I am sure your parents love you and want to see you happy so they should let you discover the world. Traveling while you're young is a great experience and you have plenty of time to settle down. I'm sure they are worried about you on your own. Perhaps they would feel better if you were going with someone? But you will always meet people on the way. And they are from a different generation and thinking of your future security. Tell them the trip IS an investment in your future, most employers consider the exposure to world cultures an asset. And with computer communication from anywhere in the world almost instant, they will be constantly in touch.  Reassure  them that you will be serious when you return, and have yourself a wonderful learning time.    

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   My boyfriend is being released from prison in a months time. He was on parole and was found with a weapon so was sent back to prison for an extra year. Since then I have been seeing this really nice guy, but I did not tell either of them about the other. I am afraid what will happen when he gets out of jail. Should I warn my new guy about my situation?

Tracy

 
Dear  Tracy  -  

   Where ever did you find a nice guy? What do you think will happen when Prison Boy arrives at your place and Nice Boy is there? Hope Prison Boy doesn't have a gun with him. You owe it to Nice Boy to tell all. You never said if you love or like either one, so I would suggest you dump Prison Boy before he gets out as he seems to be a two time loser. Your Nice Boy if he is really nice should dump you for being so stupid as to be involved with a convicted criminal. Tell your Prison Boy you met your Nice Boy at a prayer group and you are now a Born Again Christian. That should get rid of him fast. If it doesn't, you need to meet an Out-of-State Boy and go live with him.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   I need help fast. My husband has just been charged  with raping a underage girl. He says he is innocent but refuses to take a lie detector test. He says they  cannot be used in court, so why should he take one. We have four children ages five to thirteen. The girl that said he raped her is fifteen and  is a neighbour  who came over to our house regularly. She looks older for her age and is known as being fast with many boyfriends coming and going. I want to believe him as we have been married for  sixteen years and  he has never given me any reason not to believe  and trust him. He coaches our kids in sports and is known in our community as a great guy who helps kids that have a hard time at home. What do you suggest I do?

LMH

 
Dear   LMH  -  

   I assume you already know what a serious charge this is, and because he HAS been charged, you already have a lawyer. I cannot give you any legal advice but have a few comments. Today they would have used a 'rape kit' IF she appeared in the hospital after this alleged crime. Which might have included DNA sampling. That being said you need to alert your lawyer to anything he can bring forward that is a FACT and not rumor or innuendo about the girl.

   I'll take your side for a moment: I know they can not use lie detector results in court but his refusal will be introduced into the proceedings and construed as pointing to guilt. If you are convinced of your husband's innocence you might consider this girl could be covering herself from one of her boyfriends who had sex with her and she doesn't want her family to know. One wonders at how this charge came about? When did it happen? Is the girl pregnant and an out for her is to invent such a charge to assert her own version about being innocent of sexual activity?

Having said all that, there HAVE been cases of 'respectable' husbands who could not resist their hidden urges and the revelations that result are a complete shock to family and friends.  For now you need to be involved with your husband and the lawyer on all aspects and hope it dissolves before a court date.   Regardless of who is the victim, the girl or your husband, your lives will probably never be the same again. Of course you support him on this. 

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   My uncle is a lovely man, and has traveled a lot. He comes to our house for dinner about every month, and always brings wine or flowers and sometimes gifts for my two boys, aged 9 and 11. The gifts are never new toys or anything, but always oddball things that I think he might buy in junk stores.  Sometimes we don't even know what they are! 
Here's the problem: Uncle Fredrick lies about everything! He can't even go to the store without it becoming an adventure full of undercover police on stakeout or spies lurking in the shadows! He'll bring them a rusty metal piece and tell them it fell of his balloon engine and caused him to crash in the jungle. If they fall and get a scratch, he asks about it and then corrects their story to being chased by a bear or something until they start telling that version too! The boys idolize him when he tells them these stories and I think  they will be influenced by him and start lying to me. How can I tell Uncle to stick to the truth and stop mesmerizing my kids?

Worried about Uncle's lies

 
 
Dear Worried -
   Wow. Can I invite Uncle Mesmer to my place for dinner? Don't underestimate your kid's ability to distinguish the truth from reality. It is obvious that they are not interested in the real world when Uncle arrives and brings his. Is he lying to you or them about important things? What he is doing is endearing himself to your boys with fabulous adventures. He fuels their imagination and is saving you a ton of money on kids books, Tom Sawyer, Treasure Island, etc. And why is it so important to squish your kids' perception of Uncle's adventures? He will cross the line someday and they'll begin to doubt his exploits. I for one, would feel bad when that day comes. Meanwhile they may grow up to be Mark Twain, or Samuel Clemens and write about wonderful adventures in far off places. Sometimes the truthful world is just not good enough and one can take refuge in a creation of your own. Enjoy your Uncle until the balloon bursts. 

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

    My husband has a terrible temper when he gets mad. The kids and I are scared when he gets in one of his moods. Otherwise he is a good man. Do you think he needs counseling to curb his temper?  

Scared in Nanaimo

 
Dear  Sin  -  

   In a word YES! Having your children afraid of their father is no way to grow up. You never said his temper flares after he drinks. If it does he has a serious drinking problem. If not then something is really bothering him. Or it could be a neurological  disorder. He needs to talk to someone about this before he hurts you or the kids. Anger management is available. Temper tantrums can escalate very quickly and then he will have to deal with the police or not have access to you and the kids. Or worse. Get him to go with you for help. Children should see their father as a stable loving influence, I know this is a Disney father in today's world, but family life is threatened with extinction and children should never live with fear. What the kids see they will start emulating and could end up damaged by this. 

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   My wife said she would go with your opinion on this one. Her sister is constantly bad mouthing me to family and friends. I say she is just a jealous bitch and tries to start an argument between my wife and I every time we are in her company. We have a happy marriage with two great well behaved kids. She has been divorced twice and can't seem to keep a relationship going for any length of time. I golf with her last ex and that seems to totally get her irate. I refuse to stop golfing with Larry as we enjoy each other's company. My wife thinks I should  to appease this bitch. Am I wrong?

Greg in Florida

 
Dear GIF   -  

   If you can't golf in Florida what else CAN you do? She seems a very unhappy women and doesn't like the idea that her sister is content. Tell her you like her ex and enjoy his company and will continue to do so. But make it clear that you don't discuss HER while golfing. Let your sister entertain her and you find something else to do when she is around, like say ... going to play golf. People that are unhappy seldom change, so just keep space between you and her when you're at family affairs. I'm sure the family already has her pegged as lonely and a trouble maker. Try not to be antagonistic, you don't want to fuel her fire,  jealous women have been known to break golf clubs. Try to improve your handicap and ignore hers.

Auntie Jane


 

 
Dear Auntie Jane -

   I am fourteen years old. I baby sit most week-ends for the same family. My mom thinks that I should tell the family that they should have some snacks for me and the kids while I'm there. There is never anything in the house to eat and only water to drink so I bring my own. The problem is the kids always want my snacks. So I end up with none for myself. Should I tell them?

Deb

 
Dear  Deb  -  

   The next time they call for your services let them know that you have raised your price by a dollar an hour. If they ask why tell them its to cover the snacks that you bring for yourself and the kids. Parents should make it a fun night  for the kids when a babysitter comes over. They probably will go for it as you seem like a reliable and good person.

Auntie Jane

 

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Dear Auntie Jane -

   My husband says I am going through menopause. I am only forty-nine far too young I believe. I must admit that I do have mood swings occasionally. It's usually when he doesn't do his share of the household chores. We both work and have two teenage kids. They both do their share, starting dinner, clean up after dinner, keep their rooms cleaned. No problem there. It's him that doesn't pitch in. He feels he does the lawns and garden and that should be enough. Then wants me to be romantic after we have a disagreement over who is going to take the laundry out of the dryer. He has time to sit and watch sports on the week-end while I go grocery shopping. Any suggestions for  this situation?

Martha

 
 
Dear Martha  -

   First go to your doctor he will give you a test to see if you have started menopause. Sounds to me like you trained and brought your kids up wonderfully. Maybe your husband should have been trained at the same time? Have you thought of cutting back at work to have more time for yourself? If that's not possible, make a list of all chores for inside and out. Cut the list four ways and anyone that doesn't do their list, they have to take one chore from the other three that week. But, if hubby always gets romantic after your disagreements, maybe it is the make-up sex he likes?

Auntie Jane

 

 

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Dear Auntie Jane -

   My husband just left me after thirty-three years of marriage. He says he is in love with a women fifteen years younger than ourselves. We have a lovely home as well as a summer home with a large sail boat. He wants to sell everything and split it equally except the boat. He wants it to travel with his new girlfriend to the South Seas. I have worked all my married life, we both just retired this year. I thought we would enjoy our early retirement as we both worked hard to attain what we have. Our children are all on their own and won't even accept his phone calls. I don't want them to lose contact with their father and wonder if I should just let him have the boat without trouble.

Still shell shocked

 
Dear   SSS -  

     Target the boat! Make sure your lawyer knows there is nothing amicable about this separation. Get a shark lawyer and become a vampire. Its not 50/50 its 90/10. Why should you give up everything for his (late) mid life crisis? If hubby and chickie want a boating holiday make sure it'll be like rowing across Saskatchewan. Then take a cruise yourself. Boy-toys are a dime a dozen and you'll  have plenty of dimes. Bon voyage.

Auntie Jane


 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I had bad report cards this year. Now my parents want to put me in a private school. They believe that my next year is very important, grade nine and feel that I would do better with less distractions. I would miss all my friends and be totally on my own with nobody that I would know. I have promised that I will try harder if they let me stay at my own school. Please help me in changing their minds with your advice.

Linda

 
Dear  Linda -

 My first question is why it took your parents the whole year to make their decision? They should have been on top of it when your first report card came home. Unless you are not giving me the true story. If they have money to send you to a private school, maybe a tutor is in order for your first semester in high school. If your marks don't improve then off to private school. This should be a good incentive to do well and show them that you are really trying. Your education is more important than friends right now.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   My daughter is sixteen and just told me she is pregnant. She wants to have an abortion right away. I am Catholic so I want her to have the baby and give it up for adoption. She just wants to move on and get her education and put this behind her. Am  I wrong or is she?

nearly a grandmother

 
 
Dear NAG -

   Neither of you are wrong you just have a difference of opinion. It is your daughter's body and she is trying to make a decision that will affect the rest of her life. Either way she will always wonder about this baby. I would support her as her mother and let it be her choice. You have plenty of time to become a grandmother when she is older and has her life together.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

 

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Dear Auntie Jane -

   My Mom just found out she has cancer. I feel so sad and my little brother cries himself to sleep every night. I told my Dad and he said to leave him alone to deal with it. Should I tell my Mom so she can talk to him and explain things to him? Or would it be better for me to do it?

 Sad sister

 
Dear  SS  -  

   This should be done as a family. Maybe your Mom and Dad needed time to deal with this. But they are the adults and now need to explain what will be going on with your Mom's treatment. You and your younger brother need their help to understand this process. There is nothing wrong with you going to him when he is crying to comfort him and reassure him that everyone is doing the best for Mom. He is obviously afraid and you all are, but cancer can be cured and your Mom needs support from all of you through these troubled times
Cancer is now beaten every day with modern medicine. Your attitude should be to anticipate that she will be okay. Good luck.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   My life is a bore and I'm only twenty-two. Any suggestions on how to get my life into second gear and have some fun and meet new people they all seem to be a drag and uninteresting?

 Bored  beyond believe

 
Dear BBB   -  

  I really don't feel sorry for you, get out and mix, volunteer, join things, focus your interests, whatever and meet new people. You're lucky to be alive.
I just went to a memorial service for a twenty-eight year old who was full of life and loved by so many. He didn't have time to be bored as he participated in family, friends and many sports. The church was over flowing and his friends honored him with stories of their time together. All I can say is get off your butt and start helping in your community and quit feeling sorry for yourself.  

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

    Am I being selfish? I have been invited on a cruise with my family in the New Year. My boyfriend who I  have lived with for two years wasn't invited. He feels if they cannot invite him that I should not accept. My family has made it clear to me that they don't like him and that I could do a lot better in choosing a partner. I want to go but think he should be included in this family trip. Should I go regardless?

 Undecided 

 
Dear   Undecided  -  

   Parents should not pick boyfriends. If they are paying for the trip then they can invite who they want. But are they trying to break you two up by taking you and not him?  Be up front with them and tell them your feelings. Then they have to decide if they want him along. You have to decide either you want the cruise enough to leave him at home. But do you expect him to be there when you get back?

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I work with this guy who constantly talks over everyone. He is interesting and has a lot going for himself. He can't seem to get more than one date and then the girls are always busy or just say they are not interested. A few guys say since I am the only women in the office, I should give him some advice on how to let others talk and him not monopolize all the conversations. Then maybe he would get more than one date. And we could all have our turn talking also.

 Dale  Interrupts Constantly.

 
Dear DIC  -  

   Does anyone actually WORK in your office? Of course males are notoriously chicken at doing serious advice, but it might be better if a guy approached him and asked if he realizes how much he talks and suggests that maybe this is a turn off for the women that he dates.
Everyone likes to be involved in a conversation so it's not a one way affair. Tell him to sit back and listen to others and hear what they have to say. He just might learn something, like LISTENING is a sure way to make points with a new girl.
Meanwhile back at the office, use a stop-watch during conversations if you have to.   

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   I sure hope 2010 will be a better year for all.  I am so tired of friends who talk about the same thing every time we get together. They sometimes go back years and tell the same stories over and over again. I am thinking if they can't come up with something new in their lives, then I really am not interested in seeing them anymore. Am I right or wrong?

 Boring listener 

 
Dear B I  -  

    Good old friends are hard to come by. Bad old friends are hard to get rid of. Maybe if you just interrupted the conversation and say oh! we have heard that one a few times and ask 'What's going on new in your life'? They might get the message. Otherwise you have to decide if they are special enough to keep in your life.   

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

Christmas was a bust for me. I found my husband downstairs in a bedroom with my neighbor both were naked. Her husband was sound asleep in the same bed. They blamed it on drinking too much. I had gone to bed earlier and thought they were watching television. Her husband was so drunk he doesn't remember what went on and nobody seemed to want to tell him. So now am I the one to break up their marriage? They have kids but I am so pissed with them all I want them out of my life. Am I wrong?

   New Years Resolution?

 
Dear  NYR -  

  What a way to start 2010. It looks like Santa was good to your husband. If your neighbor's spouse is so dense maybe he was involved with them? Either way you have to decide if you want to continue your relationship with your husband, giving him the benefit of doubt that it was the drinking. I don't believe so. I  think he has some explaining to do and needs to tell you it won't happen ever again.
Your neighbor's problems are not your concern as you don't say what happened between them. (no pun intended) You could just blow them all off and start your life anew. I believe this has to be your choice. 
I assume you won't be inviting Mrs. Claus back next year.   

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   How can some people be so cheap? My sister always buys the cheapest gifts for my kids. Things that are outdated or fall apart after one washing. I always spend many hours shopping for just the right thing for her kids. I feel like coming right out and telling her how I feel about her choices. Should I ?

   Sis

 
Dear  SIs -  

    You don't say what her circumstances are? Is she poor or cheap? Perhaps she is doing the best she can? Maybe that is all your sister can afford.  Why punish her children for your perception of her presents? Maybe those children appreciate your quality gifts? If you can afford to buy them nice things I say keep doing it. The spirit of GIVING is not in what you are GETTING. 
Meanwhile try setting your washer to gentle cycle.

Auntie Jane

 


 

Dear Auntie Jane -
   I am having a problem with my Mother-in-law. She always wants to arrange all the Christmas holiday gatherings. Telling each daughter-in-law when and what food to cook for all the family. We are expected to arrive at her place for the kids to open all their gifts. Our three children donít want to wait to go there and want to have gifts under their own tree. My husband doesnít want her upset and says we should go along with all the family. He has five brothers all married with kids.    

   Out numbered

 
Dear   ON  -  

   Are you the only one having this problem? Traditions in some families are very important. Maybe your Mother-in-Law just wants to try and keep her family together. Why can't you open your gifts under your tree then open the others under hers? Suggest to her that your kids are way too impatient and you feel cruel by making them wait on Christmas morning. As for the food, someone needs to organize so you all don't bring Brussels sprouts! (ugh)
You say ALL the holiday gatherings. But each family can start new traditions in their own homes too. And  then use your own menus for your own gatherings. Perhaps M-in-L is only waiting for someone else  take the lead? Regardless, a few sympathetic words from her wimpy son should be able to keep it all even and fun.  And it should be fun amid the pandemonium of six families and excited kids. Merry Christmas, Ho Ho Ho. 

Auntie Jane

 

 
 
Dear Auntie Jane -

   I am fourteen years old and have been going steady for six months. My boyfriend has told me if we don't have sex he will break up with me. I am just not ready to have sex yet. But some other girls do. I don't want to lose him. Should I give in to him?

   Still a virgin

 
Dear  SAV  -  

    Give in to him? You asked that question and you already KNEW what my answer would be. Therefore, you already believe what you should do, and you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. It's your body and nobody has a right to pressure you into having sex. Your boyfriend sounds immature. You be the one to break up with him. There are lots of guys around who don't feel the need to show they are sexually active. At fourteen you needn't experiment with sex. Not to mention you are way too young to even go steady. Just enjoy boys as friends and it doesn't matter what your girlfriends are doing. When you meet the right guy in the future you will know when to choose to have sex. Be proud of your individuality and control of your own actions.  

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   My boyfriend just broke up with me, he says he wants to see other girls. I had already made plans to buy him a Christmas present that involved us going away for a week-end for New Years. Should I still go ahead with my plans anyways and hope the holiday will bring him back to me exclusively?

 Wondering about 2010 

 
Dear   Wondering  -  

 I I would not buy him a holiday with the situation as it is. Buy him a token gift as a going away present. Then  tell him you're the one going away, dump his wandering ass and go on a sunny holiday yourself in 2010. Somewhere with 20 tanned boy bodies all rated 10 and Sex-on-the-Beach at the bar.  Leave him wondering. Happy New Year!

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

    My sister is gay and will not come out of the closet to our relatives. Our family is large and we are having a big family gathering at Christmas this year. She wants to stay home with her partner as she won't leave her alone. I say she brings her along and then everyone will connect the dots.  My parents say this is fine with them as they love them both whoever they choose to be. I think its because of our old grandparents that wouldn't understand. Any advice?

   Steve

 
Dear  Steve  -  

    The old grandparents probably won't even notice if its a large family gathering with kids running around. And if they do they probably wouldn't say anything anyway because they will be so happy surrounded with their family. If your parents have accepted this relationship good for them. Your sister and her partner should join into the family festivities. And you might be surprised at how enlightened grandparents can be.  Quit worrying about it and make sure everyone has fun. 

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

    I met this guy at a party two weeks ago. He asked for my phone number and said he would call me so we could meet for a coffee. He did not call so I got his number from a friend. I have called him twice and left  messages and he has not returned my calls. Should I keep trying and hope he answers so I can talk to him?

   Kit

 
Dear   Kit  -  

   Helloooo! If he wants to talk he would have called you first or returned your calls. At this stage he is probably thinking, stalker. Don't call him again. He could be out of town but I'm thinking he is not interested in furthering this one time meet. Next time get the guy's number and don't give out your own, that will expose him right there, if he doesn't want to give it to you. Move on.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   With just a short month away Christmas is becoming very stressful for me. What to buy, how much to spend and who to buy for. As I grow older the fun is going out of the holiday season for me. My kids are grown up and they still expect me to be Santa Claus, cook and supply the entertainment every year. How can I hand over the job to the younger generation without sounding like Scrooge? 

   Mother of six and a half.
 
Dear   MOSAAH  and a half of something? -  

   In my opinion it's retirement for you in many ways. Pass the torch and suggest this year you put all names in a hat and everyone draws a name, excluding children. Then who ever has the biggest house (excluding yours) gets to put on the dinner with everyone to bring a dish or two. Select two people to prepare the entertainment music or games. They get to avoid clean up duty. The children should help with decorations and passing out the adult's gifts. You should just sit and enjoy the day without ANY work. 

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   My girlfriend  left her husband  three months ago.  Now she is drinking daily and having one night stands with total strangers she picks up in bars.  She now thinks of herself as a cougar as many of the guys are much younger than her. I am afraid for her, but she won't listen to reason. Any suggestions?

 Leslie

  
Dear   Leslie  -  

   She sounds like she is a very unhappy girl. All you can really do is keep telling her about all the situations she is putting herself in. Not only the chance of diseases from different partners but she could end up dead in some deserted place not knowing who she picked up, a rapist or killer. Her drinking can cloud her brain as she might not even see the dangers when intoxicated. She is playing Russian roulette with her life. Try to get a couple of her girlfriends to have lunch together.  Tell them your fears about her before you go and let the subject appear naturally during the lunch, so they can express their worries without it seeming like an intervention. She might be lamenting her marriage break-up and those reasons, whatever they were, you could discuss that with her yourself.

Auntie Jane

 

 
Dear Auntie Jane -
    My sister just found out she has terminal cancer. She made me swear not to tell anyone. No problem there for me, but she doesn't want her kids to know either. She is separated from her husband and he is not to know. Her kids are all over twenty and she just wants to enjoy them while she can. I think it will be harder for all who love her if she dies without letting them help her till the end.  Her doctor said she may have three months. I am in a real dilemma on what to do.

  Linda

 
Dear   Linda  -  

   If she only has three months I would abide by her wishes. When the time gets near let her deal with her family her way. They will  become aware of her health issues soon enough. Sounds to me like she just wants everything to be normal for her as long as she can. Just be there for her when she needs you and enjoy your time with her as much as you can. She must feel that she can trust you to keep your word.     

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   My husband just found out he will be transferred in the new year. Our children are upset and don't want to leave their friends. They are nine and twelve and refuse to even listen to us about this move. My husband will make more money and be in charge of his division, it will make our lives much easier financially. Should he decline this offer and stay put?

 Heather 

 
Dear   Heather  -  

    Only one question; who runs your household? Children adjust and they have to be told you and your husband are looking to their future too. Kids that age will come around eventually, until then you and your husband should try and make the move as exciting as possible for them. Maybe a present that the whole family can get involved in after the move until they make new friends in your new area. Make sure you support emotionally them until they do.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   I am thirteen years old. I just found out I am adopted. My parents never told me this and I am crushed. Should I confront them or try and find out who my real parents are? Where would I start to look? My aunt and I are very close and wondering if I should tell her I know. My parents will know that I was snooping in their private papers.

  I  feel betrayed

 
Dear  IFB -  

   Maybe your parents were waiting till you got older to explain about your adoption? Your parents are your parents and your biological parents for some reason thought you would have a better life by putting you up for adoption. Perhaps your biological mother was deserted herself, and had not the means to give you what she thought you deserved. It does not mean that she did not love you.

Your adoptive parents are the ones who looked after you all these years. When you were sick, and watched you go through all the stages of childhood. You might ask your aunt for advice and confidence if you are close. She could talk with you and your parents when the time comes.

Sometimes it is better not to snoop where your not supposed to. Either way as you grow older, there might be a time to look into where you came from. Just don't be upset if your birth mother has moved on with her life and never told other members of her family about you. Yet there may be no family at all. Life can take a sad turn of events. 

For now you're fortunate to have a family that wanted to love and protect you. There is no need to feel betrayed. And finding out about your roots can wait just a little longer. Trust for now, be a thirteen year old who has something good in your life.  

Auntie Jane

 

 
 
 
Dear Auntie Jane -

    I will be eighteen next month. My question is my boyfriend wants me to move in with him. He is twenty-eight and wants to see if we are compatible living together. My parents are against this and feel I am too young to make this commitment. Do you think it would work out for us?

 Mixed Feelings 

 
Dear   MF -  

   Sounds like your boyfriend wants to get a car and take it for a test drive before he buys it. I would say if your not sure don't move in as you have plenty of time to play house. Dating  you will find out if your compatible with each other. Ten years is a big difference at your age.

Auntie Jane

 

 
Dear Auntie Jane -
   A have a big beef with my family. Every time I go to change jobs for the better they all jump on the bandwagon and say that I canít hold on to a job longer than a few years. I am thirty years old a female never married. But that could change down the road. I have always gotten more money, better position and more holidays when negotiating a new job. They call me flaky for not staying for long term and a pension plan. This new job that I have just gone for will let me travel to different parts of the world. They are all against me taking it. Am I crazy or are they?

   Sandy

 
Dear Sandy  -  

  I donít see why at thirty you need to get your families approval on anything. Suggestions are different if you have asked for their opinions. The older generations stayed at the same job for forty or fifty years, that does not happen anymore. My advice as long as your happy that is really all that matters at this stage in your life. Could be that your family has never taken chances and that is a real shame. Sounds to me you have a bright future ahead of you.  Don't forget to put some money away for your future.

Auntie Jane

 

 

Dear Auntie Jane -

   Do you think it's alright to have sex with a guy that your just friends with?  We both enjoy the sex but know that its as far as our relationship will ever go. My girlfriends think I'm crazy and should be looking for a long time relationship. It's working for both of us at this time. Opinion please.

   Satisfied for now

 
Dear   SFN -  

   If its not broke why fix it. Lots of people have friends with benefits. No strings attached. Are all your friends maybe in long term relationships and are envious of you? As long as it's working for you two go for it. Who knows? You could be doing the same thing with the same person thirty years from now.

Auntie Jane

 

 

 

 
 
 

 

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